The One Who Got Away

Everyone's time is up at one point or another, and we rarely know when it is. It can be long and drawn-out, or deathly swift and quick. It can flow smoothly without leaving a trace or be pretty vivid and pretty much stick. Regardless of how it goes, it's sure to happen someday, which makes it extremely humbling when you think about the one who got away.

The one who got away happened so quick, so sudden. Here today, gone tomorrow type of thing. One minute, it was all good, and the next...gone. The times spent together were genuine, with memories made even though the amount of time spent itself wasn't traditionally long. Some months here and there and even in that moment it was clear to say there was never one like you before or since, and it served as proof that you were the one who got away.

Mutual respect turned to appreciation, appreciation to admiration, admiration damn near into infatuation. It can be at the end of the night or first thing in the morning, and regardless of the time, there's no doubt that the thought crosses of the one who got away.

It's almost like chasing a ghost. That person is gone, whether it's in the literal sense or simply from your life. Sure, there may be sporadic communication here and there. It goes back to the whole "mutual respect thing." The interaction and times you shared together are no more, boxed and locked up, only with memories of previous times and a former day. And even when you've long moved on to a different place with new faces, you always remember the one who got away.

This began with the acknowledgment of knowing we all have to go. Thinking about it can be overwhelming, even scary, yet somewhat peaceful. Who knows what lies on the other side? When that time comes, it'll be a point to seek out folks who left this place and we'll probably have a whole lot to say...but even when my time is up and I'm gone from this place, there will always be a spot in my heart for the one who got away.

6/24/13 @ 8:51 P.M.

Goodbye

1. a parting; a farewell.

In every encounter you have, two things are certain: there's a beginning, and there's an end. It's as sure as anything in the world. Some endings end peacefully, while others make your blood boil and your toes curl, but the thing is...they end. That's just the way things go, no matter the person or their name...and when it happens, regardless of how parties feel, the only thing you can do is charge it to the game.

But some endings, conclusions...the culmination of events can be tough to digest and hard to accept. You express yourself to levels you didn't know you had, until there's literally nothing left...and when you realize the other party seemingly didn't feel how you did, it's hard to swallow. Yet, when the pure and total truth finally comes out, it makes it easy for your mind to move on, and your heart to follow.

There's never been a time when things have been more clear, when peace-of-mind was so near, shining, with no need to cover your eyes with a hand and peer. Realizing that this is officially over is bittersweet, but it allows this book to have a proper ending; one fitted with the truth and free of a lie. It allows it to be put in a box, and for it to end with one last word...goodbye.

6/9/10 @ 2:30 A.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Trigger

2. an event, occurence, etc. that sets off a chain reaction.

Thoughts of you returned again, and this time, there was no attempt to figure out why. It stemmed from something coming up soon; staring me in the face, despite no attempt to figure it out or try. Is it fair that something totally unrelated finds a way to still come along? Just like when you put on a seemingly different record, in essence, it sounds just like the same old song.

Someone once said love is stronger than pride, and in it, all of the lyrics ring true. It would be foolish to think it applies to any and everyone, but it certainly does to you. However, there's a peace in knowing, one day, thoughts will stop becoming words on paper, as it goes for this tale. Days will continue on as always, with not a single doubt or fail. You're not like the others, and to say you are, would be a lie I'm not willing to endorse. Yet, peace of mind is the priority now, and it's officially taken the front seat on this course.

3/7/10 @ 1-something this afternoon

Confessional

We could be on separate planets

The Earth or the Moon

Heart to heart, we're still in tune

And you know, you know (hearts don't lie)

I don't even care if we're not together

Cause that's the part that never lasts forever

I bet you always will.

-Tweet

She said it better than it could ever be said.

Be easy.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Love Re-defined

Using the word "love," when it comes to you, has never been enough. Besides, it's a word that's been used plenty of times before. To come up with another term is worth the effort, since you're entire being is one I've come to adore.

See, I know what love feels like, and it never felt like this. Knowing the sound of your voice is one that, even in a crowded room, I couldn't possibly miss. Or the fact that our lips don't even have to touch, yet I can still feel your kiss, and realizing you came through and surpassed any and every guideline that comprises a prototypical list.

That aint love at all; it's something deeper, and much stronger. Gettin' you outta my system is a process that's simply gonna take a lil longer. Then again, the slightest sight, sound, or instant can trigger a variety of memories in my mind. Maybe that's what it means to understand a love re-defined.

12/17/09 @ 4:12 A.M.

4:04 A.M.

Here goes another piece, and of course, it just has to be about you...because even in the middle-of-the-night, the vision of your being remains true.

You find a way to continue to make an impact, despite our conscious effort to stay apart. No matter what happens in the future, you've left an indelible print in my heart.

9/30/09 @ 4:04 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Conquering Pride

I'm really havin' to swallow my pride.

It would probably be easier to pack up my emotions, and hide.

But in order to grow and have peace, you have to face it all, even if it takes me on an uncomfortable ride.

And just hope things are the opposite, once I make it to the other side.

8/21/09 @ 9:35 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Love-Making

The last time love was made, it was unreal, beautiful, mind-blowing; safe to say, this man was hooked. You coulda been cuffed right there on the spot, and taken to the authorities to be finger-printed and booked. There's no doubt you're the one who served as a reminder of how love is truly made, and if I had to rate it on a scale, there's no doubt you'd get the highest possible grade...

They say good things come to those who wait, and that's exactly what we did. The temptation to do more never overruled the importance of waiting until the time was right, and once it came, the acts were so intoxicating, we were at it from dark all the way to daylight.

Our souls came together as one, as slow jams moved to OUR BEAT, and not the other way around. Our bodies were in sync, with ruffled sheets, infrequent moans, and the fan above us contributing to the sound. It was void of lust, yet filled with passion. Not since then has anything remotely come close, in no particular form or fashion. We'd be drenched by each other's thoughts, and washed with our words; we'd rinse off with laughter, and dry off using the smiles we were able to lure...hell, I can't even look at showers the same! 'Cause ever since then, whether it's the face wash, shampoo, or the soap, whenever I step in, all the bottles spell out your name...

7/28/09 @ 3:23 A.M.

Photo by Thomas Hopson

Good, Bad, and Indifferent: Fuck It No More

The last thing anyone can do is give a man ample time to think; when it occurs, things, events, and words find a way to converge and perfectly link...and it came to this particular truth. The train didn't stop, because I slammed on the brakes. It came to a halt, because the journey became way too much for you to take.

It all makes sense now; it's never been about me, because there's no sign of this man being confused. Sure, it may cross your mind on occasion, but my soul's been the one that's been battered and abused.

Expressing these thoughts won't change a thing; it's not gonna bring those times back. It'll just continue to make me look like a fool, especially since your train seems to be running smooth now, and totally on track. More power to ya, and it's time for me to go ahead, and follow right along. It's time to compose a brand-new verse, and stop singin' the same old song.

7/10/09 @ 5:34 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Just Thinkin' About You/Hope All Has Been Well

It's amazing how a simple message can set off a deeper emotion. It's exactly why, in this case, it's hard for me to subscribe to this particular type of notion. We know each other well enough to realize it isn't a quick check-up, or just to drop some kind words. Once those words have been exchanged, the door will soon open, and into it, we've both been lured...

But maybe it was just that; a quick check-up, and nothing more. Then again, there was date number one, two, three, and even number four. There was Barnes and Noble, and Half Price Books, on a Saturday night at that. A couple of chairs and the occasional foot-stool is where we sat. It was definitely a first, and a story we didn't have to wait for time to tell. It's instances like these that'll trigger a simple message that I'm...

...just thinkin' about you/hope all has been well.

Books were read together, word-for-word, and we'd soon discuss what we saw. Then we'd go find the movie version, and get pissed when the script and the author weren't on the same page at all. To share that kind of connection was unique, something I enjoyed all too well. It's instances like those which trigger the simple message that I'm...

...just thinkin' about you/hope all has been well.

We laughed when he was poplockin' on stage, but remained captivated as he went through song-after-song. Then he came in the crowd and held his tune, while we grooved and sung right along. The same couldn't be said about the dudes servin' food over at Spring Creek. It was pretty much agreed that if they were to take their act on the road, there's no way it would even last a week. Plenty of other events were shared, but I think you get the drift. And through it all, time spent with you was the most priceless type of gift. It's safe to say a simple gesture has always been much more, and this, you can plainly tell. And even though things have changed, this one remains a fixture, when the message comes across that reads...

...just thinkin' about you/hope all has been well.

7/1/09 @ 1:15 A.M.

Photo by Collins Metu

Mental (Interlude)

Imagine someone inspiring you to wanna know more, like you felt the need to be smarter. The desire to do even more, internally, continued to grow even larger, and while doing so, you found yourself reaching ever so farther. Times spent together were equally enjoyable, and in 'em, both of us would revel. Never before has this been the case...where anyone made me feel more of a thrill to get on their level.

6/14/09 @ 9:04 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Reflections: Fuck It Part Four

...so I saw you today, but it wasn't exactly the way it seems. It wasn't in the physical, yet it also didn't occur in my dreams. You were far away, yet close enough to touch. Never in my wildest days would I have believed a woman could possibly consume my thoughts THIS MUCH.

When's the day gonna come, when the sight of your face doesn't make a brother reflect and go back? Why is it this train of mine can never seem to stay it's course, and ends up running off-track...just at the sight of your mere vision. You know now these words are directed one way, and it's you I've been missin'...and on top of that, I'd be lying to myself for thinking if you wanted to talk that I'd be unreceptive to listen.

Sooner or later, come hell or high water; whether the day is tomorrow, or it's way down farther...the words will come out, and they won't merely be said, they'll be done. At this point, it seems like an eternity for the title of these poems to have some concrete meaning, and to finally ring true, but the day's gonna come when I'm done pinin' over this, and I'll officially be over you.

6/9/08 @ 11:19 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Love is a Four-Letter Word, But So Is Evil: Fuck It Part Three

The title of this is kinda misleading. The subject itself is not evil, by any means. She's actually a great woman; things just didn't work out. There's no love, but there's a really, really, REALLY strong like. I'm not quite to "charge it to the game" status yet, but I'm gettin' closer to being there everyday. Til then, words will be dug out from deep within, until there's nothing left to say...

Not too sure why the title is as such, other than the fact that it's definitely true. Never woulda thought a feeling would come over like this, due to actions between me and you. People say the best way to get over something, or someone, is to acknowledge its existence, and impact. Problem is, the good can be addressed all day, but it doesn't change the unmistakable fact...that things have changed.

Sure, maybe it can be patched up, but does it really even matter anymore? Maybe words and thoughts can be exchanged, yet things may never be like they were once before. In a sense, that's why something can be good, yet still be bad. Like realizing these words are therapeudic on one hand, but once they run out, the night will still end with me feelin' sad.

There's a part that wants to act like this shit doesn't even matter, like it aint no big deal, but if that part was to take over, there's no way that would be honest or keepin' it real. That's why times like this will continue to be bittersweet; realizing the irony of love and evil finding a way to co-exist, despite the fact this was never how they intended to meet...

6/3/09 @ 12:26 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Plans: Fuck It Part Two

Some are made well in advance, while others are the last-minute type. They were in place for you, which pretty much contributes to my gripe. They're all dashed for now, with no certain signs of coming back, and part of me has no desire to modify 'em, or even try to put 'em back on track...

Movies at the drive-thru, with food to snack on, and some grown folks beverage to drink; the vision of it was so clear, that there was nothing else for me to think. So much for that, along with others that are far from some seeing the light. Those plans have been placed on the backburner, with no indications of them ever returning to sight..

Plans were in place for some oyster shooters, daquiris, and hurricanes; you know, the ones that can only be bought on Bourbon Street. The ones folks say are so good to ya that they'll knock you right off your feet. Well, just like the others, those plans have been placed to the dark, in the farthest depths of any seeing any type of daylight, with no evidence that leads me to believe a return of them is anywhere in sight...

This is one plan that certainly wasn't made at first; if so, preparations woulda been made, so I wouldn't feel so vulnerable and at my absolute worst. This plan, like the others, is beyond being on-track...and at this rate, there are no signs of it ever coming back..

6/1/09 @ 1:22 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Fuck It.

Not too sure where it went wrong, and at this point, the desire to figure out is all but dead. Anytime it seems like things are gonna be different, they turn out to be just like the stories that have already been read. Any other time, it woulda been charged to the game, and simply just marked up as a learned lesson. But just when it seems like that revelation and conclusion will come, it leads to an unexpected confession. The fact is...you're missed.

The wound is still fresh, and it'll heal itself over time, even as it leaves a scar. It'll be looked at constantly, treated, and examined with care. And, unlike previous times, this bruise won't have me put my guard or defenses up. I'll end up going all-out, more than ever, even at the expense of my soul being exposed and totally bare...

5/19/09 @ 1:44 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

So Close, Yet So Far Away

Some measure distance by the miles on a map, or maybe even the time left on a clock. The effects it brings can be so distant, yet still linger, like the faintest sound of a knock. At times, it seems like you're right there, and things will be just as before. But then reality hits, and events will push us apart, just like they have before...

You would think state lines separate us, but in actuality, it's something far less. It's the type of thing which you know you can't do much about, so it simply brings you more stress. It doesn't make it any easier when both people acknowledge what's missed, and they've been on each other's mind. Despite all that, the space remains, and the peace you're looking for, you'll never find.

So close, yet so far away; it's that simple, and there's no other way for it to be said. Sooner or later, it'll work itself out, and this matter will finally find a way to put itself to bed.

5/11/09 @ 11:30 P.M.

M.V.P.

Memorable....are the moments we share together. There should be more, especially given the fact I want our time to last forever. No other times, with any other person could possibly compare, and even attempting to make 'em do so...is completely and utterly unfair.

Valuable...in terms of your own being, your entire essence. Outside of God and family, there's noone and nothing else that comes close to the place you hold in my everyday thoughts. Without you, I'm convinced life would be much more confusing, and I'd most likely be lost. The sun seems brighter, grass is a lil greener, and it's much easier to wake up at the beginning of each day, and it's all because I know the mark you make, in your own special and unique way.

Personal...in the sense that, even though others read the words, the only ones who fully understand this are you and me. It doesn't matter how much is exposed, and how much anyone else can see. The bond we have will never be broken, and can't be purchased with any amount of money, or any type of fee. From now and til the day we're dead and gone, you'll forever be my MVP.

3/3/09 @ 1:14 A.M.

Photo by Collins Metu

Miracle At St. Anna

I just finished reading Miracle At St. Anna, which was written by The Outstanding James McBride (same brother who wrote The Color of Water). I will go on record and say this is one of the most beautifully-written books I've ever read in my life, and I like to think I've read quite a few. It goes at a pace that is necessary, so you can really soak in the story. My plan was to finish the book, before the movie came out (which is today), so that part of my mission has been accomplished. I'm a HUGE FAN of Spike Lee, and am very excited to see his interpretation of the book, onto the big screen.

However, if it falls short of the book's brilliance, I'll be ready, shouting obscenities at the screen, and if other movie-goers get angry with me, I'll...kindly recommend they read the book, so they will understand my frustration. However, I think Spike will do a good job. We'll see this weekend.

Be easy.