Stranded

At times, I feel stranded; even to the point of feelin' abandoned. It's like I'm a shell of myself, like I can see my figure, touch it, but can't do anything to help...

There are those times when a room can be filled with people, doin' a variety of things. It ranges from people laughin' recklessly, or sittin' quietly, while the band plays a tune, with one of 'em smoothly caressing their strings. All the while, I'm in there with 'em, in solitude and alone, but not entirely in peace; just lost in my own thoughts, and doin' my best not to cause any type of unnecessary scenes...

At times, I feel stranded; damn near to the point of feelin' totally abandoned, but not the type that you may see in the streets. Shit, you'd never be able to tell, because even while I may feel like this, I'll smile and speak at ya easily, without even missing a beat.

It's possible to feel alone, despite being in the midst of a crowd, and you may feel like seeking some help, but don't wanna come off as needy or too loud. Don't get to worrying too much, it's simply a reflection of how I get from time-to-time; a glimpse into my soul; a small journey in my tortured mind...

8/3/07 @ 9:56 P.M.

Photo by Thomas Hopson

Lately

Lately, I've...

realized the difference between a friend and just someone you know. It's difficult to know that union is no more, instead of watching it continue to grow. With just a lil more work, it probably could have been restored and saved; kinda like a road that was once littered with holes, but now it's totally smooth and paved. Too bad we didn't try harder, and for that, I'll take a majority of the blame. You already know who you are, so there's no need to mention your name. Just know, there are those days, when you remain in my thoughts...

Lately, I've...
seen people come and go, for a variety of reasons. Maybe it was a bad period, just wasn't their favorite time of the season. Here today, gone tomorrow; sometimes, it feels good, while others, it leaves you with sorrow. It's good, because they're moving on to a better situation, one where they feel they can continue to shine. Bad, because there's that gut feeling that something just aint right, regardless of how many times they said "don't even trip; I'm doin' just fine."

I like to think everyone has a method to their madness, a formula to why we do what we do. In the end, it may be for the best, and in their heart, they're simply staying true. Either way, it's all a part of life, something we all, by now, should know. But it still hurts sometimes...when good people decide it's about that time to go.

7/31/07 @ 5:42 P.M.

I think we all have our different sides that makes us who we are, an alter-ego, of sorts. Hell, TI's even made it marketable to express it, with his latest album (TI VS TIP). It doesn't necessarily make us crazy or throwed off; if anything, it makes us more sane, and exposes our vulnerability (which is NOT synonymous with weakness). With that said, on my mind right now is relationships between men and women. In the words of the great philosopher, Brooks Hatlen (the old, White prisoner in the Shawshank Redemption), "the world went off, and got itself in a big damn hurry." I'm sayin' that, because it seems like people think jumpin' into a relationship cures all ills, and if not everything, damn near all of 'em.

Personally, I've been in one exclusive relationship my entire life (2003). I've never really been the type of dude to think a relationship solves everything, between a man and a woman. I see people hop in and out of relationships all the damn time, and when I see that, it's aggravating, and even worse, I end up feelin' sorry for that person, because they really have the concept twisted up.

I think everyone should experience heart-break one good time, so they know true love does exist, and that love is indeed real. All the intangibles, the stuff that aint in the "how-to" books, can only be gained through experience, and even...through pain. It shouldn't scar them for life, but it should be used as a learning tool. For the ones who have found their true love the first time around, and are with them right now, and have never been hurt by that person, more power to you, and I PRAY that you never have your heart broken, because I honestly don't think you'll be able to recover from it, not at my age. After I got mine broke, I was so scared to give my all to anyone else that I just hurt people, thinking I was protecting my feelings. In retrospect, it was foolish, but it's all apart of my growth and maturity. I was 20 years old, a scared lil boy at the time, so just imagine the episodes since then. If I was to experience my first heartbreak NOW, at 24, aint no tellin' how I'd be able to recover, so I'm glad it happened early.

There's a side of me that truly believes in love, true love, authentic love, and that it does exist between two people, and I know it'll happen for me one day, when it's time. That side is the one you'll probably be exposed to the most in this blog. Then, there's the other side that laughs at people who THINK they're in love, but they're really just enamored by the IDEA of love, and not that person, which will eventually lead to a road going downhill.

To sum this all up, love is REAL. I believe it does exist between two people, so you'll never hear me curse love to hell, bash it to the point of no return, and all that other madness. When it's genuine, it's the greatest feeling in the world. With that said, don't be in such a damn rush to get it; when it comes, it'll be well worth the wait.

ATOK: Part Two

You're beautiful beyond words, and if I was your lead composer, I'd come up with the perfect verse...to the song of your life. Since you're the opening act, it's only appropriate that you're the one who keeps 'em coming back. Besides, people don't come to see the undercard, only the headliner. Standing room only; no more seats, but I've never been more eager to stand all night long, so we could finally meet.


I remember sayin' I wanted to, needed to, yearned to, gotta go...for a variety of reasons. It didn't matter how long it took, the time of the year, or regardless of the seasons. Just that I had to go one day, so I could experience you first-hand, and feel your sunshine, or protect you from the rain. Or to become intoxicated by you beyond belief, but have you as my cure too, because, like the top-of-the-line medicine, you bring me maximum relief.


I could go on all day, trust, so I'll leave you with this: too far to feel your rain, so I'll settle for your mist; can't have your touch at the moment, so I'll settle for a blown kiss; it aint Christmas yet, but you're still at the top of my list; you're a shining star, and upon it, I'll continue to wish; and as for the other countries, there's no need to update my passport. They may as well not exist...

6/18/07 @ 12: 28 A.M.

Being In Love

How do you know when you're in love? Whether it's buried deep where it's hard to see, or if it's right in front of you, like a child tuggin' at your knee.
It's been thrown in an ocean, but always finds a way to float on back to the surface. It's your favorite verse in an all-time classic, the one you listen to repeatedly. It's the feeling you get through your body everytime you're witnessed to their visual imagery. It's why you can't sleep at night, it's the bulb inside of your bedside light; the medicine to cure your ills, with a prescription that's too strong for any type of pills.
Being in love can make the strongest person weak, or make the weakest person strong. It's 100% authentic, so the emotions you feel from them can never go wrong. Just follow your heart, and let fate take care of the rest, and realize that this journey you're on, regardless of the outcome, is only for the best.
3/13/07 @ 4:26 A.M.

Damaged Beyond Repair

It's not a coincidence. It aint one of those "how did this happen to me?" times. It's fairly obvious, and all you gotta do is just read between the lines.
Last exclusive relationship was almost four years ago. Since then, there haven't been too many tears, but in the place of 'em, have been the opposite number of fears; I was one of those folks who had "that icebox where my shit used to be," but I let it defrost long ago, so my future now with another is more visible and seems within my reach...
For a while, I played if off as if I didn't care, would date a few, then return back to my comfortable lair. Feelings would get hurt, and we'd always wonder why it just wasn't fair, but maybe things will be different this time, and we can get in the car, and ride with no worries..and go anywhere. I just hope and pray that I'm not damaged beyond repair.
2/13/07 @ 3:33 A.M.

Be Careful on that Road: Evolution Part Three

Note: I'm pissed off, point-blank. However, instead of launching a verbal assault, I'll diffuse my negative energy through the ink of this pen onto this paper. See, this isn't one of those sob stories. I'm past that shit. I don't wanna come off as some complainin'-ass nigga who wears his lil feelings on their sleeve about how he's been hurt, all the while not admitting his own fault in the situation. That too, is old, foolish, and VERY corny.
Note Two: Picture a car that looks good, may have a dent or two in it. It looks good, sounds good, but it's been through a thing or two, but it still gets the job done (and a damn good job, might I add). That's me. I got some miles on me, but it's cool. Aint one of those brand new whips, and don't wanna be...
God, it was so much better when you were home. Now you're here, and we may as well be miles apart. Damn, when I dig a woman, I DIG a woman, for real. When I'm reduced to an option and not a priority such as I make you, it's frustrating. No, you haven't said it, but it shows in your actions. I just wish I saw it coming...
So where do I go from here? Only one option: keep driving. You see...
I don't love with fear. I'm not that 15-year-old kid that kept hittin' the brakes prematurely, because I didn't know how to drive. Hell, I really had no business behind the wheel. I'm that 24-year-old who glides in and out at varying speeds, occasionally hittin' a hole or two in the road, but still driving smooth and never hesitant to get behind the wheel, regardless of the weather, traffic, and such. Get the drift?
Imma ride with no restraints. I might get a ticket along the way for God knows what because that's how the game works. Shit, I may even mess around, have an accident, and crash. Difference is, I'll just get the shit fixed, and get right back in. Can you say the same? If not, you may wanna get on the service road where they drive slow. 'Cause one thing I do not do, and will not do, is drive with fear. With precaution and mindful of my conditions, yes,...but no fear.
9/13/06 @ 4:11 A.M.