Sometimes When You Win, You Actually Lose, and Sometimes When You Lose, You Actually Win

Note: This is a quote that was uttered by the beautiful and fine-ass philosopher, Rosie Perez, in White Men Can't Jump. Also, excuse the length of the title. I know there's a forbidden rule of having more than twelve words in a title, but this isn't APA, so who cares?

Have you ever gained clarity through losing something? Folks tend to look at loss as a negative, but it can actually work out favorably, if it's put in a proper perspective. It isn't easy to view loss in that way, and it takes maturity, and a level of humility to do it, but if you can, it certainly helps to deal with the way life works. Two things happened this year, that pretty much sums up this quote for me. Earlier this year, a friend of mine was killed, and at the time, I didn't really know how to cope with losing someone who did so much good, while doing the small things people taken for granted. In her loss, I gained the urgency to be courteous to EVERYONE in sight. That's what she was able to do, which is partly why she was loved by so many people.

The second was losing my job, which was immediately easier to cope with, in all honesty. Even though I lost the job, I gained the importance of doing something you love doing, as opposed to simply getting a check. It looks easier said than done, but from first-hand experience, it's so much more fulfilling to pursue your passion, and if it comes at the expense of not having as much money, who gives a shit? Trust, I made decent money, but I was KILLING my spirit everyday, because I was doing something I hated. Plus, money has always been boring to me anyway, but when you make a lil bit of it, it can be easy to lose focus. I was winning, but I was still losing. So when the layoff came (which was the day after The Thriller died), I actually won. For one, God got me out of a situation that was internally toxic for me, and two, I got a chance to go back home, and watch Michael Jackson videos all day. Anyway, some people say "fake it 'til you make it," but that phrase just doesn't do it anymore, because I've been there.

Happiness and serving a purpose come first now. Money will follow, but I had to lose first, in order to understand the meaning. This year may be memorable for some, because of loss, but if you can try to gain some insight from each situation, you can still win. The only reason I've been able to look at everything that's happened this year, without losing my mind, is because of that man they call GOD, and because of Him, I've never been more at peace.

Be easy.

12/22/2009 @ 2:19 P.M.

Love Re-defined

Using the word "love," when it comes to you, has never been enough. Besides, it's a word that's been used plenty of times before. To come up with another term is worth the effort, since you're entire being is one I've come to adore.

See, I know what love feels like, and it never felt like this. Knowing the sound of your voice is one that, even in a crowded room, I couldn't possibly miss. Or the fact that our lips don't even have to touch, yet I can still feel your kiss, and realizing you came through and surpassed any and every guideline that comprises a prototypical list.

That aint love at all; it's something deeper, and much stronger. Gettin' you outta my system is a process that's simply gonna take a lil longer. Then again, the slightest sight, sound, or instant can trigger a variety of memories in my mind. Maybe that's what it means to understand a love re-defined.

12/17/09 @ 4:12 A.M.

End to the Beginning

A kiss is how we departed, with our collective word that we'd see each other again soon, and even when the elements are different, our times together carry the exact same tune.

Before that, we hold each other close, embracing, arms and hands around each other gently, but in no hurry to let each other go. There can't be a better feeling than to be holding you close, and if there is, it's one I have zero desire to know.

Words were exchanged throughout our interaction, along with laughs and that ever-present smile. It's safe to say this feeling hasn't been experienced with anyone else in quite a while. Steady thankful it's present, and right here in this place, yet the potential for it was evident from the first time I ever laid eyes on your face...

12/2/09 @ 2:33 A.M.

Simplicity at its Best

Two kids walking each other home from school, a boy and a girl.

Takin' a trip back then reminds me how those times were some of the best spent in the world.

No worries about broken hearts, false words, or the potential of things going wrong.

And even though the times have changed, the desire remains to write a familiar type of song.

...it's just about finding the right muse.

11/7/09 @ 3:09 A.M.

Is That a Friend of Yours? Nah, Just Somebody I Know.

There's a line in Devil in a Blue Dress that's so simple, yet it packs a punch. Easy was choppin' it up with Joppy, when a dude walks into Joppy's bar to chop it up with the both of 'em. When the dude leaves, Easy (played by Denzel) and Joppy (played by Mel Winkler) share a brief, but unforgettable exchange:

Easy: "Who's that, Joppy? A friend of yours?"

Joppy: "Just somebody I know."

Now, some people may look at that, and ask why I make such a huge deal about those simple words. My answer: because it's true. Joppy didn't mean it in a bad way; he just meant that ol buddy is someone who knows his name, and vice-versa. They're not friends, and that's cool.

I've been fortunate to have people I can call friends, and I've also been fortunate enough to have people I know; at this stage of living, it's easy for me to decipher the two. However, the common thread is this: they all get equal respect from me. I don't respect a friend more than I respect someone I know. Now, I will give a friend more time than just someone I know, but that's because friendship is earned, while you can just know a motherfucker, ya know? I don't see that as constituting a lack of respect. Respect isn't something that's a tangible (see/touch/taste/smell/hear) quality. That's just me; it's how I was raised (parents), how I've been bred (Willie McCullough), and how I choose to live my life. I'll do other fucked-up shit from now til I die, but I can find peace in knowing I respect everyone fully, from jump.

Now things can transpire during interaction with people, and that's the part I'm working on correcting; tryna be less of an asshole when things don't go my way, and be more humble instead; tryna watch the urge to cuss a motherfucker out, and instead listen to where they're coming from, respect it, digest it, and if things continue down an undesirable road, then depart peacefully (whether the departure is us hanging up the phone, leaving each other's presence for a short time, or even for good). Even if we disagree, then at least we're doing it in peace. I'm all for confrontation, but I don't wanna do that all the time. Lord knows it's been a test, but it's one thing to say it, and another thing to do it...and right now, I'm doin' it.

I don't know; maybe this shit isn't making any sense. Just needed to vent. Wooosah....

Be easy.

"Simpler Times" photo by Clifton Henri

Mitchell and West Street: Appreciation Part Two

The John Legend song just crept up; you know, the one that led to a slow dance on the living room floor still plays vividly in my head. We moved slowly, and whispered along to every single word he said. I never once told you how those several minutes in time kept my entire soul fed, so I'll do it now, and tell you how this tale should always be remembered and read...

There's gonna be some stuff in here that I never intended for you to see. Like how we ran into each other on the yard, not too long after you made 23. Or how, at the time, Chick-Fil-A lemonade was your drink of choice, and how I knew we would be bound for life, from one fateful evening, despite the fact of having yet heard the sound of your voice.

Plenty has passed since then; your first event on 4/21/05, and the excitement that lead up to the night, yet it still goes back to one well before then, which brings all and everything to the light. It consisted of a library, peace and quiet, and two people coming toward each other, crossing paths, with no idea except to move right along. Yet that's when it all began; when you granted me the pleasure of starting an everlasting bond...

11/7/09 @ 3:59 A.M.

Photo by...I Don't Know Who Took Her Picture

If It Wasn't For You: Appreciation Part One

Note: There's no such thing as being "self-made." We all need help. Folks should know they're appreciated, and I will write as many of these as I can, for as many people as I can.

If it wasn't for you, this dream and goal would've remained postponed. It woulda stayed in my head, and simply been talked about...but because of your encouragement, it's led to a change in direction that's got me on the proper route.

When the time comes for that final walk across the stage that comes along with the title of Ph.D., it'll be due, in large part, to the kindness and greatness of a person bearing the initials, PDB.

10/30/09 @ 7:12 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri