First Steps

It's funny lookin' back sometimes. If you're lucky enough, the reminders are right there, in your peripheral vision. You can see the attempts at it, and it takes you back to your very own rendition...of taking your first steps.

First crawling, then standing straight up, just tryna remain in one place. You're unsure, yet determined to walk, but you fall flat, right on your face. Still, you see other people doing it, and makin' it look so damn easy, and you wanna be like them, so you get up, and try again. It doesn't matter if the result's the same, because you wanna see this all the way through, from the beginning, right 'til the very end.

Sure, there's a couch or a table here; a chair, or a stray toy there, but it's just stuff that's in the way. You're determined to finish your quest, and you're determined to do it today.

Sometimes, I wish I could be that lil kid again...with no fear of what could happen, and no worry of gettin' hurt; but alas, here lies a grown man who's simply left to reminisce...about taking my first steps.

1/24/08 @ 12:11 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

4, 3, 2, 1.

I'm scared of you.

Those four words say it all; the way they felt coming outta my mouth, the sounds they made with their thundering fall. You put fear in my soul, trepidation in my movements, and doubt in my mind. I could wear a life jacket, a helmet, AND a seat belt, and I'd still be unequipped for this type of ride.

You scare me.

Even if I take it from four words to three, the exact same feelings will still reside within me. Not scary-movie, rollercoaster, by-yourself-at-night afraid; but knowing I can't outrun it all, so I just embrace myself for the inevitability of pain...

I'm afraid.

Go ahead, and take away two, and I'll STILL be scared shitless by the sight of you. The feelings are new, yet, they seem familiar. It's like I've seen this before, because too many things are eerily similar. I know there's good on the flip side, but right now, I'm mortified by the one thing that nobody has a remedy for. I'm scared to death...of...

love.

1/16/08 @ 11:06 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri