Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Clear (Thoughts from the Lake)

It took something that comes rarely to realize how much I'm truly at peace.

At one time, the sight of something so rare would have pushed thoughts of you to the surface, and had my mind scrambled, just to say the least.

Sure, thoughts came, but it was more of a signifier that things are cool now, sights can be seen, and they can be done with no trepidation, doubt, or fear.

It's never felt better to have complete and total harmony, with everything in place and my outlook and soul totally clear.

12/21/10 @ 2 something in the morning.

Photo courtesy of Jeremy Biggers

Monday, December 20, 2010

My Seven Day Social Media Sabbatical

Consider me a slave to all things social media.

When you look at Facebook, Twitter, text messaging, BBM, e-mail, and the internet, I, along with people similar to me in use and frequency, are Public Enemy Number One. At one time, the first thing I would do in the morning, before brushing my teeth or washing my face, was to roll over, turn on my laptop or check my phone, and get my social media fix in.

Then, last week happened.

For seven days (and inspired by a high school teacher’s challenge to his students to give up social media for a week), I attempted to do The Impossible: for seven days, I would use NO FORM of electronic social media: no e-mail, no text messaging, no internet, no Facebook, Twitter, nothing.

All temptations were done away with. The Facebook, Twitter, and BBM apps were removed from my phone, I packed away my laptop, and thus, my journey began.

Monday was probably the hardest day. The first thing I did when I woke up was roll over to turn on the laptop, but it wasn’t there. The second thing I did was pick up my phone to check e-mail, but as soon as I remembered what Monday signified, checking e-mail wasn’t an option either.

After Monday, Tuesday wasn’t much easier, but it was done. After that, the following days were the quietest, peaceful, and liberating days I’ve had in years; seriously.

It was fun talking to people on the phone again, even though some people just had to make sure the journey had its challenges. By that, I mean when someone would text me to say something or ask a question, I would pick up the phone and call them instead. Sometimes, people would make me mad, because they would text, I would call back, they wouldn’t answer, but they would send me ANOTHER doggone text. In a time where I would communicate with more people than I could think of (due to Facebook chat, texting, or Twitter), the people I spoke with last week were much smaller in number, but it was on a more personal scale. We held conversations with each other. Things didn’t seem to be in such a hurry. It was relaxing. It was cool. It was fun.

When I wanted show times for a movie, I had to find a phone book, and since the last phone book I have is from 2004, I had to drive up to the theater or dial information to get times for the movies. What can be considered an inconvenience to some was ironically funny to me. What made things even more of a pain was the newspapers didn’t list every local theater like they used to. It’s almost like they’ve adopted the belief that “aye, it isn’t like folks check the paper for the movies any-damn-way, so we don’t have to include them all.” That part sucked, but it was understood.

I read the newspaper damn near every day and was cool getting the news on a daily basis instead of a minute-to-minute basis as is the case online. I spent a lot of time at Barnes and Noble, and in between running through Public Enemies (the book based off the movie), I did a lot of people-watching. It was just cool to sit back and seem like nothing was rushed at all; hell, it felt like the old days. Everything was so personal. Gone was "LOL," "OMG," "hahahahahaha," or any other abbreviated expression. In their place was emotion that was just...I'll put it like this; you could see the expression from people when you talk to them one-on-one, as opposed to communicating online. Take from that what you will.

The only parts that sucked about not using any social media for the week was not being able to tell people how dope the Marsha Ambrosius concert was on Saturday night, or not being able to communicate about the state championships, or being able to update my status during the Cowboys game yesterday (well, considering how pathetic they were, that may have been good to be away from here, because my status updates would have been littered with condescension, confusion, and cuss words). Also, not being able to check ETSF was tough, but all hail Ed for holding down the fort and handling that aspect of the site for the week.

With all that said, The Tall Philosopher, Slim Charles, said it best when he uttered the words, “the thing about the old days…they the old days,” and the man was telling the complete and total truth. I don’t know if I can do much in moderation when it comes to social media, but it was certainly an experience to give it up cold turkey for a week. Hell, maybe I’ll do away with the text messaging plan Sprint has me on, and save myself $15 a month. Either way, it’s something that I would encourage everyone to try, and just see how far society has come in such a short time. You never know; the realization that the smallest things are taken for granted may even come to the surface.

12/20/10 @ 11:11 A.M.

Monday, December 13, 2010

My Social Experiment

Recently, I was watching the news, and there was a report about social networking. The premise was students were challenged by one of their teachers to go one week with no social networking. The idea is to see what life was like not that long ago. I really don't feel like re-hasing the entire thing, so if you're in the mood to read it, feel free to click the link below:

Students try one week with no Facebook, Texting

After seeing it, I started to wonder just how much different life would be right now if I was to do away with social media for one week, and take a trip down memory lane, when all of these tools were not at my disposal. With that being said, starting today, I will go one week without using the following:

No e-mail
No texting
No Facebook
No Twitter
No internet

Basically, the only thing I'll use my phone for is to talk. That's it. The Facebook and Twitter ones will be easy, but the others will be hard as hell. Just from habit, I'm used to rolling over and turning on my laptop and checking my texts, e-mails, and BBMs. Nothing is impossible, though, and it's really something that's intriguing me. Folks always talk about how impersonal communication has become, so taking a trip back in time will be interesting...to say the least.

We'll see how it goes, and this time next week, I'll report back with my perspective.

12/13/10 @ 1:47 A.M.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

In my Bubble

There's plenty of good going on right now, as well as silly, but nothing that merits any poetry, a story, or anything like that. Sometimes, you can say plenty without saying a word, and right now, I'd say this is one of those times.

It feels good to be at peace. It's truly a rarity these days when that peace is disturbed. I'll take that trade anyday.

11/23/10 @ 1:51 A.M.

Monday, October 18, 2010


WTF is wrong with me? No pair of contacts or the eyeglasses are necessary to see...that our time has run out.

Gotta learn to let go, and keep my dignity in the forefront. There's no need to point fingers or blame her for pulling any particular stunt.

It's merely a case of actions speaking louder than words, and once you've lived long enough, you realize pointing fingers is not the way to go. She's on my mind constantly, yet it's not the same, which our recent meeting and subsequent lack of interactions show.

To sum it up as infatuation would be cheap, but to define it as love may be a lil' too much, even with the moment being what it is. Just by this admission alone, humility is being shown...loud and clear. Just like D and The Root, it's safe to concede complete and total defeat is finally here.

10/18/10 @ 7:48 P.M.

Friday, September 24, 2010

T.D.I.R. Part Three: Commitment

To some, the word is as daunting as its length; they see it, and automatically associate it with something too tough and can't be done. It's looked at as too much of an obstacle; something that can't possibly be won. It's seen as a concept that only applies when dealing with something else, whether it's a person, a job, or something so good, it has to be from kind of dream. Little do they know it's much more internal in nature, more than they've ever seen.

People walk away from stuff everyday, and why? The reasons are numerous and just as vast. Maybe the return they put in is coming slow, when it was expected to be quick and fast. Perhaps society deems it okay to just give up, which also explains why the elite, in any walk of life, consists of a select few. Whether it's music, family, sports, or any other endeavor, the desire to try, improve, flourish, and succeed in their eyes clearly outweighs an inconvenience or two.

Plus, there's a personal sense of fulfillment that comes with commitment; finding a way to get it done and persevere. Speak it into existence and keep at it, and before you know it, your destination will come into focus and the finish will be near.

9/24/10 @ 3:59 P.M.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

T.D.I.R. Part Two

It's one of those dreams that came while being wide-awake again.

Weights on my shoulders, lowering myself down and rising back up. The exercise is routine, yet the thoughts swirling within were anything but.

Something flashed quickly in my mind, but it had to wait. It dangled right in my face, and didn't even require any kind of bait. Can this really be done? Does it even have to? It would be more efficient to do it the old-fashioned way, but doing it like this may lead to more discovery than words, sentences, and other correspondence can ever say.

It's something to think about, and best believe, it won't take long. All it's gonna take is a lil' reassurance, and just like that, I'll be gone.

9/15/10 @ 3:58 A.M.

Monday, September 06, 2010

T.D.I.R. (Turning Dreams into Reality)

It takes a lot to allow yourself to let go and dream.

You have to remove yourself from the reality, the usual occurences, and how they seem.

Thing is...as cool as it is to dream, how much better would it be to make those same dreams come true?

In order to do so, it'll take a lot more lettin' go than I've ever been used to...

...but I'm willing to try.

9/6/10 @ 12:49 A.M.

Sunday, September 05, 2010


Life is too good to complain.

I've taken two trips to Manhattan in the last 30 days to do media work for Nike. From this day forth, the only brand you'll see on my feet is Nike. Well, American Eagle, too, but they're not a sports brand, so it's cool.

Familiar faces are acting familiar. Newer ones have emerged, favorable or otherwise.

Grad school is almost over. Time to get these Ph.D. applications fired up.

It's football season, which means for the next five months, I will be the total opposite of the ideal and eligible bachelor. Friday through Monday will be occupied by football. Hey, I've been free since January, so there are no apologies being made on my part.

God is good; not some of the time, but all the time.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Inspire Me.

A decision came about recently that commands respect, yet it's tough to completely understand. Things occured which ended with results which were unintended and certainly not planned. A fellow Leo once wrote, "when I find myself becoming content, inspire me..." so leave it to another to paint an alternative picture for you to see.

No hard feelings were the parting words, yet they were taken directly to heart. The picture being painted is still very much in progress, so there's no need to retreat to the beginning for a fresh start. Besides, the work that's been put in perfectly fits the specifications of the subject at hand...similar to Sade singin' a tune that she didn't intend, yet it sounded amazing with the sounds of her band. They went into the booth with differing ideas, yet they still teamed to make a song you can light candles to all night and let burn. As smooth as it was though, the chemistry didn't come in one take; it came with patience, understanding, and a desire to learn.

One party has the vocals, while the other is the band. The former can certainly find anyone to play the tune, so it's up to the latter to show they belong. Rest assured in knowing you don't have to entertain a thing, because once the strings, chords, and arrangements take shape, you'll feel more than inspired enough to sing this very song.

8/29/10 @ 1:26 A.M.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Trust Re-Visited

Life has taught me to trust is to court disappointment, occasionally even disaster
- William Forrester

Some people look at trust as something to be earned; like a badge of honor that's obtained through time, words, and deeds. They see it as the culmination of efforts put forth; a tree that grew from an endless amount of time and seasons, despite only coming from a small number of seeds. At one time, my view of trust was similar as well. It was something to be earned...but these days, I'd rather give it to you in the beginning, and hope it's handled with care and doesn't leave me battered, bruised, or burned.

Folks are gonna do what they're gonna do, whether trust is given after a year, a month, or a day or two. There's no need to make someone jump through hoops to prove they're worthy of it, even through the misdeeds of a select few. If that means courting disappointment comes with it, then I'll just make sure to have on some clean clothes, and a fresh pair of shoes. Besides, when it's comes to putting effort into something, it's never done with the intention to lose.

If it ends in a loss, so be it. Charge it to the game, take a breather, and get back in. The game of life stops for no one. Besides, you can't lose 'em all, and when it's all said and done, you'll be on top, and feelin' even brighter than the sun.

8/5/10 @ 5:03 A.M.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Embedded...laid up together, with scant sounds. The scene's too vivid. This can't be real...and even though it's not in my visual, it's something I can still see and totally feel.

Sounds of The Root playing in the back, while you lay between my legs, nestled close, your glass of wine on the side, and hair grazing the bottom of my chin. If I was to fall asleep, it would only be to wake up and experience this feeling all over again...

The most intimate time, you with something in your hands, with things even lighter gliding between your fingers...me behind you with one of my own, allowing this to last forever, while every detail lingers.

The sounds of pages turning are the only other ones next to the music and our respective breaths. It truly is something to see. Never have I been more eager to relax, release, let go...and just read.

7/27/10 @ 2:35 A.M.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Not Ready

When the thoughts were in my head, they all sounded good and flowed so well. Yet once they went on paper, they looked like shit, which left me frustrated as hell. It sucks not being able to share, to elaborate on lust, passion, sex...you know, the thoughts that can keep anyone up late at night. Too bad they're confined to my dome, because sharing them outwardly woulda been some kinda sight.

Soon enough "the jones" will return; all I gotta do is be cool, and remain steady. Until then, bits and pieces will do the trick, and as far as anything extensive goes...no need to rush it. I'm simply not ready.

7/15/10 @ 5:09 A.M.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I Won't (Thoughts from the Highway)

A wise woman once sang...

"...don't give up on love, because..what I did to you..."

...so I won't.

6/27/10 @ 5:13 P.M.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


The urge to say something...to write has been evident for months on end. It's there, even if it seems to be infrequent and sparse. Even with the desire burning to speak, nothing comes out, but it doesn't mean I'm speaking lies or my feelings are a farce.

It just...has to feel right...pure...regardless of what day it is, or the hands on the clock. Until that time comes, speech will remain erratic, as more attempts are made to get around this block.

6/26/10 @ 2:36 A.M.

Photo courtesy of Scripted Libations

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Although my verbal and physical exude positivity from every part of my soul, some of the writings present would lead one to believe I'm the opposite of this particular role.

To be honest, when it comes to matters of the heart, they're simply easier to express, even as the risk of vulnerability and lookin' weak. Yet, I know image isn't everything, and since that's the case, the balance remains intact that took forever to seek.

6/22/10 @ 5:23 A.M.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010


1. a parting; a farewell.

In every encounter you have, two things are certain: there's a beginning, and there's an end. It's as sure as anything in the world. Some endings end peacefully, while others make your blood boil and your toes curl, but the thing is...they end. That's just the way things go, no matter the person or their name...and when it happens, regardless of how parties feel, the only thing you can do is charge it to the game.

But some endings, conclusions...the culmination of events can be tough to digest and hard to accept. You express yourself to levels you didn't know you had, until there's literally nothing left...and when you realize the other party seemingly didn't feel how you did, it's hard to swallow. Yet, when the pure and total truth finally comes out, it makes it easy for your mind to move on, and your heart to follow.

There's never been a time when things have been more clear, when peace-of-mind was so near, shining, with no need to cover your eyes with a hand and peer. Realizing that this is officially over is bittersweet, but it allows this book to have a proper ending; one fitted with the truth and free of a lie. It allows it to be put in a box, and for it to end with one last word...goodbye.

6/9/10 @ 2:30 A.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Sunday, May 23, 2010

R.F.K. The Conclusion

Life has a way of bringing thoughts to the surface. What was once in your mind becomes all too real. What was once just something you envisioned ended up becoming something you embrace and can feel.

Thing is...what to do? What's done when a vision becomes reality? Do you embrace it, or do you run? Do you treat it like it's toxic, or do you relish it and have some fun? The latter was the choice, and even though it's led to this, a stoppage of sorts, where things were said that weren't necessarily prepared for, it's still something that will be treasured forever and a day, even if those days may end up being no more.

You can know someone so well, but when they occupy a different space in your life, you learn to know them all over again. Despite the fact the foundation is laid, you still have to work, and let 'em know this is for real, and not pretend. When it was just a figment of my imagination, the only parts that surfaced were the good; no thoughts rarely surfaced of anything that could be seen as bad. Never one time do you think that person, or you, can do something that leaves you confused, bewildered, or mad.

After thinking it over, the feelings of anger are gone, and are instead replaced with knowing that all things, good or bad, have a way of coming to an end. But since it's well-known that who this is intended for will see it, despite the conclusion, there'd be zero hesitation to do it all over again.

5/23/10 @ 1:39 A.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

High in the Sky

You found a way into my thoughts, despite being well above 10,000 feet. It never ceases to amaze how, even from this far a distance, my soul finds yours to meet. However, it isn't a meeting based on mutuality; not something that's agreed upon. It's of a different manner, one that's been avoided for far too long.

We're not meant to be...in any form. Not as friends, lovers, or even, excuse my french, just to fuck. See, it's been avoided for so long, yet it's been over, with no further traces of luck. The signs were all there, and for that, there's no one to blame, but the person who's composing this piece. Charging it to the game is the only direction left to go, even if that's the method that's embraced the least.

Once this plane hits the ground, another journey officially comes to an end, and even though familiar grounds await, establishing contact with you isn't an option, with these words serving as evidence of resisting the urge to do so, ever again.

5/17/10 @ 10:55 PM

Monday, May 03, 2010


1. the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes, etc.

As corny as this looks, it came from being in the shower, wiping off the scent of a night's past. It was the mere feel of laying alone, void of another figure, that put everything on blast. Rinse. Wash. Rinse. Dry. It's all so routine...yet something so simple and mundane led to a revelation that previously went unseen.

Things are outta wack.

But how and why is this even taking place? Why are there so many events and things swirling inside that conflict, despite the sole reflection being only your face? Shit, it aint like you look in the mirror, and the physical changes with each glance; it stays exactly the same. Then again, when you have various characters come in and out of your life, it's damn near a miracle that you remember your OWN name...let alone theirs. Perhaps it's time to withdraw some more, and see how things fare. Besides, to ignore or downplay it any longer would only make you worse for wear.

5/3/10 @ 1:55 P.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Monday, April 26, 2010


There are plenty of times when I have something to say, but when the pen comes out to hit my journal, I become lost, and have no idea how to find the way.

It's more that these thoughts are a blur, just tryna find a way to come together and form something that can be viewed...but when they come together, it can be just as vivid as seeing a perfect ten in the nude.

It'll come in time, I suppose. It always does, right? Until then, the gloves will remain my locker. Besides, I'm more prone to search and love, instead of get angry and fight.

4/21/10 @ 3:41 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Monday, April 05, 2010


Honesty...is the key to it all. It makes no sense to ignore the pain that occurs from the fall. Yeah, it hurts, and making it go away is a difficult task. Facing it head-on is even tougher, and makes you think the feeling is always gonna last...but it's gone now, and at least subsided to the point where it won't be coming back.

Eagerness...to make sense of everything that went down. Being unconcerned with how it makes you look, even if it comes off as lookin' like a clown. Others can't handle it when things don't go their way, but you do, which lets you know you're better now than you were in previous days...

Acknowledge...what made you feel like this in the first place. Sure it sucks, but it's even worse if you lie and wonder why you continue to finish last in every race. Some things don't make sense, but you still should acknowledge that they're there...and once you do, and patch your errors up, you'll get to the front, regardless of when or where.

Learn...that it's okay to fall, and normal to bruise. When it comes to people you love, the journey will be anything but a cruise. There are some parts on my body that hurt as well, so I know exactly how you feel. Just now that once you're 100 about it all, it makes it so much easier for 'em to heal.

4/3/10 @ 1:51 P.M.

Monday, March 22, 2010


When people fall at significantly different speeds, someone usually hits the ground hard. - "Jenkins"

...and just like that, the feeling was replayed.

The sound it made was unexpected, and even if there was a warning, no preparation was sufficient enough to avoid its sure-fire dent. It's worse than knowing you're about to be put out for being deliquent on the last three months rent...but this aint about a coupla bills and some change. The depth of this blow couldn't be detected with the sharpest of shooter's range. And while the other party got a band-aid to cover up the blow, there wasn't enough stitches in the world to stop this blood and its flow...from what happened from the fall. It's exactly why there's a reluctance to try, even when knowing the opposite of this results in the greatest thrill. It's just that after that last fall, it seems wise to retreat to the sidelines, and chill.

3/22/10 @ 12:29 A.M.

Sunday, March 07, 2010


2. an event, occurence, etc. that sets off a chain reaction.

Thoughts of you returned again, and this time, there was no attempt to figure out why. It stemmed from something coming up soon; staring me in the face, despite no attempt to figure it out or try. Is it fair that something totally unrelated finds a way to still come along? Just like when you put on a seemingly different record, in essence, it sounds just like the same old song.

Someone once said love is stronger than pride, and in it, all of the lyrics ring true. It would be foolish to think it applies to any and everyone, but it certainly does to you. However, there's a peace in knowing, one day, thoughts will stop becoming words on paper, as it goes for this tale. Days will continue on as always, with not a single doubt or fail. You're not like the others, and to say you are, would be a lie I'm not willing to endorse. Yet, peace of mind is the priority now, and it's officially taken the front seat on this course.

3/7/10 @ 1-something this afternoon

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


Rarely was a trip more anticipated than this. It wasn't because of a football game, to see some hoops, or a trip to an amusement park either. It was more than that, and even though the trip seemed long, there was no desire to come up for a breather. The mere thought of being submerged within was so strong, yet there was no concern of passing out. After all this time, a reminder was shown of what authentically good times are truly all about.

Even with that, things are in the way, which we know are too much to overcome. Unlike times past, that reality doesn't turn into anger or any other negative feelings to ponder where they're coming from. It's because a friendship, a true friendship, was established first; one that developed for years, which provided a great foundation to withstand what life tends to bring. Despite that, saying "lets just be friends" is an insult, because of all that our interaction truly means.

Someone once said "quitting while you're ahead isn't the same as quitting," and that statement rings true, especially here. And even though our interaction will be re-defined, it won't tail off, because I'll always be near.

3/3/10 @ 11:24 AM

Photo by Clifton Henri

Saturday, February 27, 2010

At The Moment

I haven't written in a while, because there's been an inability for me to formulate thoughts, visions, hopes, and feelings into words that are worth reading.

It's coming, though. It has to.

Be easy.

2/27/10 @ 5:13 PM

Photo by Clifton Henri

Tuesday, February 09, 2010


All sorts of thoughts are swimming and swirling through my mind. For the most part, they're nice and calm, with nothing appearing to be the opposite of kind. Seems like they're going all over the place, yet they're all in tune. And even though patience is a virtue, I wouldn't mind if all this began to make sense pretty soon.

Some days are occupied with uncertainty, sprinkled in with a lil doubt. You don't even have to know my story to know just what I'm talkin' about. Because if you've ever felt strongly about something, then you know exactly what I mean, but once things piece themselves together, it'll be the most profound vision ever seen.

2/9/10 @ 7:46 P.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Friday, January 29, 2010


Part One - 6/7/06
Part Two - 6/18/07

As far back as 2006, I had visions of a place that seemed so far away, and maybe it was at first. I could see it clear as day, but the way in which I did couldn't have been much worse. It was indeed in my imagination, even though the visions appeared to be real...and even though there wasn't much at the time to bargain with, we both already knew the deal.

Fast-forward to a year later, and the visions became songs, with different characters playing the lead. It was amazing to see what grew, simply from an imaginary seed. Then again, there's truth in every tale, even if that tale appears to be tall. The time was yet to be determined, which was even better, since it forced me to remain ready, and be on-call.

And recently...the visions became reality, in ways better than I ever thought. The excitement of the times came from so many places, that it was imperative for 'em all to be caught. But instead of pictures, journals, and other keepsakes, they'll be stored where it all began...right there in my mind, and anytime I'm in need of a reminder, they won't be too hard to find.

1/29/10 @ 6:20 P.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Monday, January 18, 2010

Higher Education

Thoughts of having tenure comes across the brain from time-to-time. May be hard to believe, given what's seen in the present, as well as the past. Even though the work seems endless, the joys that comes along override it, and make things last. Will that day ever come? Perhaps, even though there's no projected date. Besides, the journey is where it's at, and as long as the vision remains fixed, God certainly won't be late.

Being part-time faculty brings the freedom to move freely, but stability isn't at the top of the list. And even though you can basically move with lil-to-no penalty, it's getting easier to stay still and resist...the urge to just get up at the first sign of friction and go. Besides, things could turn out for the better, if there's less thought as to the current position, and instead just...take things slow.

Higher education can be quite the journey, as is being found out in the present-day...and the best part is knowing the most gratifying success is coming...somehow, someway.

1/18/10 @ 12:57 A.M.
Photo by Clifton Henri

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


We could be on separate planets
The Earth or the Moon

Heart to heart, we're still in tune

And you know, you know (hearts don't lie)

I don't even care if we're not together

Cause that's the part that never lasts forever

I bet you always will.


She said it better than it could ever be said.

Be easy.

Photo by Clifton Henri