D.A.M.N.

Disappointment...in knowing there's only so much that can be done from far away. The desire to help is evident, but it's best that noone tries to butt in. All that can be done is to hope things will get well in a hurry, so we can be in each other's presence again.

Audacity...must be flowing through my body by even thinking of anything else, besides your well-being. Then again, it's that smile of yours on your face that I've gotten so used to seeing. If it's unfair to have these thoughts swirling in my head, I apologize in advance. I just wish this didn't rule my thoughts, and I could break out of this continuous trance.

Memories...have been made in such a short period of time. It wasn't expected upon the first encounter; we were simply supposed to hang. Shit, you would think it was something unreal, judging by the giddy reactions everytime my phone rang. The same thing that makes one excited could end up being their kryponite. It's certainly mine, just from the fact it's gettin' rougher and rougher to have a peaceful night.

Negativity...will leave as soon as it came, as strange as it sounds. It won't last forever; it'll only be for a few rounds. As for the present, there's still plenty more to do, but it simply aint the same, 'cause it's being done without you.

Damn...this feeling sucks.

12/31/08 @ 11:45 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Struggle for Words: Part Four

Three weeks. Three! You would think by now that a mind would be completely and totally free...to find the words to string together, and construct 'em into some kind of prose and verse; to make a point so clear without having the slightest desire to punctuate it with a curse; realizing there's no dollar amount that can be placed to describe your worth. Yet, as this is written, it's the most challenging, thought-provoking activity I've ever engaged in since birth.

For the past 21 days, a mass amount of searching has been done. Discussions have been had, books ran through, and opinions galore. Even when it may seem like plenty, the desire to keep looking for words takes over even more. There's got...to be...a way for all of this to be done, and done totally right. At this rate, it's safe to say there's a long way to go, and it'll inevitably lead to restless days and sleepless nights...

but so what? Who cares? The urgency to tell a story outweighs it all, and your impact deserves to be shared. Sure, it can be looked at as being selfish, or outright greed. If that's the case, call me guilty for taking the task of performing a seemingly impossible deed.

12/23/08 @ 8:54 A.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Struggle for Words: Part Three

14 days...

...since then, there have been plenty of opportunities to count the ways...in which your being could properly be conveyed. 336 hours have come and gone, and my psyche has yet to be swayed. My mind and thoughts remain transfixed on you.

Two long weeks...

...and the presence of you constantly leaks. In the same amount of time, I've tried to keep my cool, even at the risk of lookin' like an absolute fool. From my mouth to the air, or from paper and pen. Regardless of what's going on, you find a way to take center-stage over and over again.

It's getting easier to cope with the past 14 days, the previous 336 hours, or the last two weeks. Hell, it's simply three different ways of describing the same amount of time. It doesn't make a difference to me, so I'll be more than happy to do it, even if it's solely on my dime. At this point, there's still much work to be done, as much as never before, yet the desire to somehow put this all together...outweighs everything else so much more.

12/16/08 @ 11:18 A.M.

Struggle for Words: Part Two

It's been a whole week; seven entire days; 168 long hours...and the feeling still remains. The thoughts remain at the front of my mind, and still remain unchanged. By now, you would think something, ANYTHING, could be constructed to describe just how fly you are, and how much swagger you possess; the way the mood changes when you arrive, and your mere being leaving countless others obsessed. It's a damn shame that words yet to be put together, but the determination to do so is very much there, even if it takes forever...

...and since forever has no limits, there won't be any when it comes to telling the world about you. Others have said similar things, so it's not as if you're too good to be true. More like...you fly under-the-radar, but you're certainly noticed and seen. Best believe when people get a glimpse of you, they'll forever be addicted just like a fiend...always feeling the need for more.

So if it takes an eternity, so be it. All doors will be knocked upon, and phone numbers will be dialed, and even when it gets tiresome, the look on my face will remain fixed with a smile. There's no other choice; struggling for words is hard, but the desire burns to find the right ones, with no need to look cool or be clever. There's no way I'll stop tryin' to do so...even if it takes forever.

12/09/08 @ 10:09 A.M.

Struggle For Words

Struggling to find words to put together. It's been weeks now since we last crossed paths, and honestly, I can feel the loss, loud and clear. The times we're together are always memorable, so it's best to keep you close and near. When we're together, nothing else matters; all other things are second place. It isn't meant to be understood by all; our bond and our unique, one-of-a-kind embrace.

Struggling to piece the words together...to describe your impact at this moment in time. Times like this are when The Law should come in, and charge you with any and every type of crime. Aggravated robbery for taking my thoughts, attempted kidnapping for tryna capture my soul, reckless endangerment for my mind; hell, charge you with EVERYTHING, because you're a rebel outta control. Even with that, if the law was to come, the recommendation would be to drop all charges, and let you walk out the door. Now THAT's JUICE...knowing your influence is so real, it knocks everyone down to the floor.

It's been a struggle to put the words together to describe your impact, your effect, your existence. It's not like one's tryna ignore you, or even put up a barrier to offer any type of resistance. It's useless, so there's no point in doing so, because your effects are too good to be true...and once the words can be put together to show what you've done, it's exactly what I'll do..

12/2/08 @ 11:25 A.M.