Act Like a Lady, Think For Your Damn Self

Note: For anyone who asks...yes, I did read the book before I wrote this note. These thoughts are simply from a man who has an opinion on aspects of male-female relationships. It simply took the book to trigger it. Now...

I just got done reading the recent NY Times bestseller, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," by Steve Harvey. I knew about the book before it came out, just from listening to his show on my voyages to the plantation every morning, so I pretty much had an idea of what to expect. After reading it, I can say I respect what he had to say; didn't necessarily agree with all of it, but hell, it wasn't written for me. It was written for women, and I can dig that totally. However, when I see reactions from women who have read it, I'm...well, shocked for one. Disappointed, two (okay, maybe not in that order), but it is safe to say I don't see why females thought there was anything revolutionary being said. I'll go on record and say females have heard or read this stuff already from a homeboy, an ex, a male acquaintence, male co-worker, uncle, cousin, father, etc, etc, etc. This aint nothin' new, period. All the books, DVDs, how-to videos, slideshows, or every other manual can be put in place, but if there's no execution, it doesn't mean a damn thing. Plus, is it REALLY, TRULY bettering yourself???? I am inclined to say...it's not.

Disclaimer: these are simply a few things I have noticed in my travels.

1. Self-Respect
The women who are respected the most are women who have a mind of their own, handle their business, aren't influenced by outside foolery, and have respect for themselves. That's just me; I can't speak for every dude, but I would like to think if those things are in place, you're straight.

2. Good Men are not an Endangered Species
There are more good men out here than bad men, period. I've seen too many examples, whether it's my old college roommate from Navarro, some of my boys, acquaintences, or other cats I see that do their thing every single day, and are well-intentioned, good-hearted dudes. If females are honest enough with themselves, they'll even admit they've dated one or more in their day. All this talk about "where are all the good men at" is a joke, and it's one that's played out. It's not that hard to find a good man. It just isn't. When I hear a female gripe about the lack of good men, I can usually spot something right away in her that's trifling as well. It never fails.

3. A Challenge a.k.a. Game-Playing
This is probably the one that makes me laugh the most. I know females who will say they'll holla at a dude, because it's a challenge. Not because they like him; not because they think he's fly, and not because he has staying power, but because it's a challenge...
See, this right there is a prime example of not...being...genuine. If you go into something because it's a challenge, that means there's a possibility you could succeed, but the possibility is greater that you're probably gonna lose. Then, a woman will have the audacity, and unmitigated gall to be angry when a man makes her look like an idiot. If you lose, the LAST....THING any of us (your homeboys, your homegirls, the bruhs, your sorors, and/or the Facebook Community) wanna be exposed to is your anger, frustration, or any other negative feelings, because hell, there was nothing genuine there in the first place. In the words of The Great Philosopher 8-Ball, stop playin' games, yo. Just quit it.

There's other stuff that makes me scratch my head, but my point is this...the goal should be to better yourself, and you don't do that by playing games, gettin' pumped up to silly anthems, or anything of the sort. It's fun to talk about, it's cool to dance to, but the second you bring that around me, or any real dude, like it's supposed to really mean something, we're gonna dismiss you with the quickness, and turn the game back on. I'm convinced if you strive to better yourself, everything else will fall in place. There are examples all around of happily married people (we all know some, and it aint just our parents), folks in great relationships, and solid interactions that are on their way to great relationships. The best way to do that is to be have a great relationship with God (first, second, and third), be honest with yourself, strive to improve yourself, and be able to articulate your own, original thought. Everything else will take care of itself, including understanding a man.

Be easy.

H.O.P.E.

Humility...is essential and can be gained through many an event. It's a crucial component to have, especially not knowing exactly what life will present. It's important to always be modest, and constantly remain humble, because just as quick as things can be good, they can just as soon crumble.

Opportunities...are abound, yet some can also be created. With enough work and a little luck, you never know where you will be. More doors could be opened up, that you never thought you would see. When the time comes, and it's something you want, chase after it, and do so at full-speed. Besides, you may do so well the first time, that it'll be one of the few breaks you're ever gonna need.

Perseverance...will be key, especially if things don't go your way, or according to your time. Just know it'll happen sooner or later, even if it appears to be past your prime. Some days will be easy, while others are bound to be tough, but sticking to your vision will get you through, despite the fact the travel may be a little rough...

Extraordinary..are the rewards reaped by holding steady to your mission and beliefs. Once it's all said and done, joy will overcome all feelings, along with a sense of relief. The journey can be the most challenging part of the ride, and you may feel you're constantly at the end of your rope. But it can also be the most gratifying, especially if you retain your hope.

4/14/09 @ 11:06 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Recent Events

I'm up at the plantation, slaving away as always, and figured it was a decent enough time to post.

Recently, a friend of mine was killed, due to foolishness outside of the club (3/29/09). Last week was one of the roughest times of my life, as well as for others who knew her, loved her, and considered her to be a friend. It was hard getting through the week, coming up to the damn job, and trying to mask the hurt, grief, and pain. It wasn't until Thursday (the vigil) and Friday (her memorial) when I finally was able to release and cried like crazy. It was nice getting to see some old faces, especially one in particular that I haven't seen in months. I just wish the circumstances were different. I don't think I'll ever get over the fact of how she left Earth, but it does help to know she's in a better place, and she's protected from the madness that's prevalent in the society we live in.

I took a mini-vacation after that to Houston for Wrestlemania XXV, with one of my boys (yes, I have loved wrestling since I was little), and had the time of my life. There was also the Final Four, which didn't go the way I wanted it to, but it was cool, nonetheless.

Besides that, life is straight. Things happen which give us more of an opportunity to do inventory of our lives, and the recent events served as another one. We'll see what is made from it. Be easy.