Sometimes When You Win, You Actually Lose, and Sometimes When You Lose, You Actually Win

Note: This is a quote that was uttered by the beautiful and fine-ass philosopher, Rosie Perez, in White Men Can't Jump. Also, excuse the length of the title. I know there's a forbidden rule of having more than twelve words in a title, but this isn't APA, so who cares?

Have you ever gained clarity through losing something? Folks tend to look at loss as a negative, but it can actually work out favorably, if it's put in a proper perspective. It isn't easy to view loss in that way, and it takes maturity, and a level of humility to do it, but if you can, it certainly helps to deal with the way life works. Two things happened this year, that pretty much sums up this quote for me. Earlier this year, a friend of mine was killed, and at the time, I didn't really know how to cope with losing someone who did so much good, while doing the small things people taken for granted. In her loss, I gained the urgency to be courteous to EVERYONE in sight. That's what she was able to do, which is partly why she was loved by so many people.

The second was losing my job, which was immediately easier to cope with, in all honesty. Even though I lost the job, I gained the importance of doing something you love doing, as opposed to simply getting a check. It looks easier said than done, but from first-hand experience, it's so much more fulfilling to pursue your passion, and if it comes at the expense of not having as much money, who gives a shit? Trust, I made decent money, but I was KILLING my spirit everyday, because I was doing something I hated. Plus, money has always been boring to me anyway, but when you make a lil bit of it, it can be easy to lose focus. I was winning, but I was still losing. So when the layoff came (which was the day after The Thriller died), I actually won. For one, God got me out of a situation that was internally toxic for me, and two, I got a chance to go back home, and watch Michael Jackson videos all day. Anyway, some people say "fake it 'til you make it," but that phrase just doesn't do it anymore, because I've been there.

Happiness and serving a purpose come first now. Money will follow, but I had to lose first, in order to understand the meaning. This year may be memorable for some, because of loss, but if you can try to gain some insight from each situation, you can still win. The only reason I've been able to look at everything that's happened this year, without losing my mind, is because of that man they call GOD, and because of Him, I've never been more at peace.

Be easy.

12/22/2009 @ 2:19 P.M.

Love Re-defined

Using the word "love," when it comes to you, has never been enough. Besides, it's a word that's been used plenty of times before. To come up with another term is worth the effort, since you're entire being is one I've come to adore.

See, I know what love feels like, and it never felt like this. Knowing the sound of your voice is one that, even in a crowded room, I couldn't possibly miss. Or the fact that our lips don't even have to touch, yet I can still feel your kiss, and realizing you came through and surpassed any and every guideline that comprises a prototypical list.

That aint love at all; it's something deeper, and much stronger. Gettin' you outta my system is a process that's simply gonna take a lil longer. Then again, the slightest sight, sound, or instant can trigger a variety of memories in my mind. Maybe that's what it means to understand a love re-defined.

12/17/09 @ 4:12 A.M.

End to the Beginning

A kiss is how we departed, with our collective word that we'd see each other again soon, and even when the elements are different, our times together carry the exact same tune.

Before that, we hold each other close, embracing, arms and hands around each other gently, but in no hurry to let each other go. There can't be a better feeling than to be holding you close, and if there is, it's one I have zero desire to know.

Words were exchanged throughout our interaction, along with laughs and that ever-present smile. It's safe to say this feeling hasn't been experienced with anyone else in quite a while. Steady thankful it's present, and right here in this place, yet the potential for it was evident from the first time I ever laid eyes on your face...

12/2/09 @ 2:33 A.M.