If It Wasn't For You: Appreciation Part One

Note: There's no such thing as being "self-made." We all need help. Folks should know they're appreciated, and I will write as many of these as I can, for as many people as I can.

If it wasn't for you, this dream and goal would've remained postponed. It woulda stayed in my head, and simply been talked about...but because of your encouragement, it's led to a change in direction that's got me on the proper route.

When the time comes for that final walk across the stage that comes along with the title of Ph.D., it'll be due, in large part, to the kindness and greatness of a person bearing the initials, PDB.

10/30/09 @ 7:12 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Sleepless

...the picture right here? Yup, that's far from what I'm doing right now. Can't sleep worth a shit tonight; well, this morning.

...Longing to Tell is an amazing book. As a man, it shakes me up to read some of the tales of the women who were courageous enough to tell their story.

...recently re-connected with an old buddy, via phone last week, while I was on my voyage across the highways. It was one of those "pinch-yourself-to-see-if-this-is-real" phone calls. In our own unorthodox way, we keep up with each other, yet keep a healthy distance. In this particular case, it's better than not communicating at all.

...how strange is it to come across someone, and when you explore a lil bit, they're actually more fly than you originally thought?

...life is always good, and even when it aint goin' that great, I'll probably tell you it's good anyway. God is good, and the fact that I'm even able to type this is living proof. Be thankful for everything.

10/29/09 @ 5:22 A.M.

At Times, I Don't Give a Fuck

...the statement above can be counter-productive to your quest for self-growth, but honestly, there are just times that I don't care...and that's fine.

...one of the reasons why I hold Dr. West and other people like him in such high regard, is because they will challenge EVERYTHING, but it's done with respect, and out of sheer curiosity. I don't have that kind of courage (yet), and don't wish to use that much energy (yet).

...some friends have become "just people I know," while some "people I know" have become friends. Life works like that, and sometimes, I don't wanna know why.

...hypocrisy is...fascinating. I think that's why I'll always say 'Pac is the man for life. Yeah, he was a hypocrite, but he spoke from his heart. I'll take that anyday.

...when you're searching for truth in yourself and clarity, there are gonna be things that conflict; there may be times when things are said that are contrary to what you believed yesterday, but guess what? As long as its genuine, keep searching. Who cares if people don't like it? They aint God.

...sometimes, people use $40 words to convey a $5 thought. I still don't know how to feel about that.

...on one hand, single is cool. You can talk to as many women as you want, and as long as its done with respect (is that an oxymoron?), then I see no problem with it. Women can do this, too. Oh yes; you can be a queen, and talk to as many dudes as you want, as long as you do it with respect for yourself and others. On the other hand, it's work to try and be so many things to so many people...yet that doesn't make it a good reason to get in a relationship. It's simple: get in a relationship, because you want to, not because you're tired of being single.

...genuine and real are not synonomous; they're not the same. If you claim to be real, cool. I'll take genuine any day.

10/27/09 @ 12:55 P.M.

Soul Searching

...there's a lot of truth in a joke; someone can say something, and then say "awww, I was just jokin'/shittin'/messin' witcha," and while they were, there were also telling the truth. It's kinda fascinating, but also humbling. When the joke's on you, and you know what the person is saying is true, what do ya do? Depends on the context, I guess...

...it would be so much easier to be a neanderthal, because it's expected, yet it's fulfilling to go against the grain. It can be hard, but the joy that comes from it outweighs the negative...

...is there a feeling stronger than love, as it pertains to your feeling for another person? You like someone, come to adore them even, yet love isn't even an adequate word to describe the feeling...

...common courtesy is severely underrated. A simple "hello" to a stranger, opening a door for someone, or exchanging a smile when eye contact is shared, and not a bewildered look, is a lost art.

...there's a story in every book, and not just the one the author presents. There's even a piece of your own in there...

...everyone recovers on their own time; it's another reason why life can be so interesting, even if it doesn't work out in your favor.

...men have self-esteem issues, too. The things some people constitute as being manly, some look at with shame, especially if we've bought into the hype before. Double-standards, as it goes for men and women, are not what that is...

...eliminating my own hypocrisy has been a challenge, but it's one I'm striving for, and one I'll attempt to do for as long as the Lord blesses me with life; I'll keep trying to eliminate it, forever and a day.

...exchanging greetings with one of my heroes recently, The Great Dr. Cornel West.

Be easy.

10/23/09 @ 4:53 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Snapshots

1) a casual photograph taken with a hand-held camera.

...first-ever crush was in the 3rd grade @ eight years old. Nearly 20 years later, we're still friends, and believe, I don't call everyone that knows my first name, and mine theirs, a friend.

...speaking of which, the word "friend" is overused. It's perfectly cool for folks to not be your friend; in the words of Joppy from Devil in a Blue Dress, that's "just somebody I know." Nothing bad; just aint a friend...and that's fine.

...lost my virginity @ 18. I didn't even wanna do it; just felt like the thing to do.

...fell in love @ 20. Back then, it was in its most raw form; no thinking, just doing.

...you know when people say "you can love someone enough and be selfless enough to leave them, before you hurt them?" I realize what that means now, first-hand.

...I love women. For real, and it aint even about sex anymore. I love the way a woman walks and talks; like how they smile, stand, frown, peer, tilt their head, glance, stare at nothing, look away, all that shit. I flirt like a motherfucker, but the wildest thing is everything I say to a woman is 100% genuine. I just don't act on the stuff I say these days....as much.

...judging is for God only. People should just shut the fuck up and live. If you wanna read someone's life story, go buy their autobiography. Folks will be more than happy to tell it to you, if you shut up long enough to listen.

...men, especially brothers, should treat ourselves better. Get some self-respect; find joy in something; as much as I dislike money as being a motivator, if that's what stimulates you, then go for it. Just be clear of steppin' on someone else to get it.

...if I took away the amount of women I had sex with "just because,"...Lord have mercy. It aint nothin' to take pride in.

...I hope women find pure, genuine and inner joy in themselves, and only seek the company of a man as a compliment, and not to fill a void. Easier said than done, and hopefully everyone can make the journey as useful as can be, with the time God gives us. With that journey, I just hope whoever women come into contact with treat them with love and respect. No matter what you've been through, you're still a queen. Don't let anyone treat or tell you different.

...do what you said you would do, big or small. Do it anyway. Your word is your bond.

...life lessons are being learned in the most peculiar settings. I'm learning humility from watching high school kids play football. When some of these kids make a play, and just walk down the field, and keep from showboating, and lettin' everyone know how great they are, it tells me two things: 1. they got good people in the corner, and 2. act like you already know you're good. Let your deeds show it.

10/21/09 @ 1:29 A.M.

Right Choice

Upon first glance, it was evident the right choice was made. All the days and miles were all worth the while. The fatigue that was present left my body, the moment I saw your smile. Despite the darkness of the night, it lit up the sky for all who were fortunate enough to see, and even though nothing occured yet, I already had a feeling of how our time together was gonna be.

Over time, the creative side of yours has come out, along with a sense of compassion when life doesn't go your way. And even when the cards dealt aren't in your favor, you still make it a point to never let it affect anyone else's day. It doesn't matter if you're with your crew or all on your own; you still have the ability to shine, which time and events have truly shown.

Laughter is still shared anytime you say you know how to dance, because there's never been any proof, but if there's one thing to know about you, is if you say you can do something, your skills are probably through-the-roof. All jokes aside, you deserve all the good that life presents, because you make it a point to keep it real. It'll continue to be evident that whoever steps to you better check your resume, because you most certainly are a big deal.

10/16/09 @ 4:51 P.M.

Photo by Clifton Henri

Your Eyes

Everyone has a set of 'em, yet they don't possess the powers of yours. One look from you can make the most trifling of man pick up a variety of chores; they can make someone who's already motivated pick up their hectic pace, and feel the urgency of needing to do more. They can help someone who can't swim and stuck in deep waters find the strength to make it back to shore. On top of that, they bring light to darkness, and allow a simple sight to be the complete opposite of a bore.

Maybe it isn't your intention to possess this kinda juice, yet I wouldn't blame you one bit to apply them for any kinda use. Whether its to spark conversation, or keep all attention squarely on you. Truth be told, if others had the ability, they'd do the exact same too. It's impossible to look into them and even attempt to tell any kind of lie; those reasons above, and more, are precisely why I love your eyes.

10/13/09 @ 2:13 P.M.

No Shame

The day will come when we can take a stroll in the park, just like we're kids again. We'll laugh and smile, with all intentions of making sure our good times never end. The bond will be beyond control, with no chance of being tamed. When it comes, it'll be embraced in full, with absolutely no shame.

It's exactly why I don't worry about the day coming...because the time is certainly near. There's no reason to think I'm trippin' either, because my vision has never been more clear. What I'm tellin' you is authentic, and void of any traces of game. We'll do it together as one, with absolutely no shame.

10/5/09 @ 9:17 P.M.

Photo by Jeremy Biggers