17, 16, 15

God bless Newtown.

12/16/12 @ 1:38 A.M.

18

Now Watching - NBA on TNT

Fuck school.

I just finished my last final, and I can say, with certainty, that this has been the most frustrating semester I've had since undergrad. It's hard to pin-point exactly why. I've been going nonstop since January, but even with that, I'm not sure if that's the exact cause. Pursuing a doctorate is a different kind of grind, that's for damn sure.

Either way, this break is right on time. Hopefully, I can come back rejuvenated.

12/13/12

19

Now watching - Sportscenter

Go, #Draymond.

One more test awaits.

After that, vacation on deck.

Homage will be paid soon as well. It's a must.

12/12/12 @ 10:30 P.M.

24, 23, 22, 21, 20

Now Writing - A Term Paper
Now Watching - Knicks v. Nets on ESPN

*looks above* Talk about multi-tasking.

Between a wedding last weekend, kids at the school needing to be taken care of, and making sure my own damn schoolwork is taken care of, a vacation is badly needed.

This is the first semester of my doctoral program that I've felt tired. Before now, it's been gravy. I hope this isn't a sign. It all comes to an end on Friday, and when it does, fun will be had.

12/11/12 @ 6:50 P.M.

25

Now Watching - Knicks/Heat on TNT

I missed 26 yesterday. Between work and staying at the school late to watch the kiddos play, it totally slipped my mind to post.

There's not much deep, profound or random going on right now. Today was another day The Lord blessed me to see, and here's hoping the next one brings the opportunity for greatness to commence.

12/6/12 @ 8:12 P.M.

27

Either this quote is one of the most profound gems I've ever heard, or I need some sleep.

12/4/12 @ 6:53 P.M.

28

Now Playing - Smooth Sailing

It's 8:23 P.M., and after this is wrapped up, I'm going to bed. Last night was a long one, and trying to repeat that wouldn't be wise, especially with work being on the horizon in the morning.

Between 29 and 28, some valuable interaction was had; some unexpected, some the norm, but all pleasant. That makes me smile. Plus, the Cows won. Life is good.

Smooth Sailing...yes indeed.

12/3/12 @ 8:25 P.M.

29

Now Playing - Tears On My Tuxedo.
Now Eating - Oreos.
Now Drinking - Milk.

29 days left in 2012.

How much is it worth to go outside of your regular persona to keep interaction from becoming boring? Better yet, if it even has to be asked, isn't that enough of an answer?

While one should be open to ways to keep things fresh and exciting, can it be done while keeping certain aspects of yourself unchanged? Or, even worse, conjuring up things or embellishing to keep things fresh? Well, that's not really an option.

Is this merely an example of having too much time on one's hands and, subsequently, too much time to think?

12/2/12 @ 5:06 P.M.

30

Now playing - I'm Going Down
Now reading - Inside Inside

30 days left in 2012. Where did all the time go?

It feels like the year just started, yet it's literally about to end...and when it does, I'll be right here, ready to do it all over again.

12/1/12 @ 11:33 P.M.

Cast Away Continued

Well, I grew the beard back out....with the intention of not giving a fuck...

...and while there are situations that fall in line with the intention described above, there are still a few others that I do give a fuck about...

...but with time, I suppose I eventually won't give a fuck about those either.

Excuse my language.

11/13/12 @ 10:46 P.M.

Scent

1. A distinctive smell; especially one that is pleasant.

The distance can be vast, 100+ miles, and it permeates every single mile down the highway. Sure, that same distance is compensated for, but there's nothing like the real thing; not even close. It breaks through the slightest of cracks and pours through the widest of doors.

Phone calls, along with chimes indicating an incoming message, as consistent as they are, only go so far. After a while, those chimes need to be replaced by the sounds of wheels going west, with the winds blowing peacefully and some music, with a healthy amount of bass streaming through, to break through the sounds of silence and anticipation...

...anticipation due to the fact that even though we parted ways, your scent never left.

9/17/12 @ 11:40 A.M.

Cast Away

I see a seclusion on the horizon. I've taken too many Ls lately; Ls of various magnitudes.

Time to grow the beard back out, and stop giving a fuck.

9/9/12 @ 10:04 P.M.

Music of the Day.

Shit, may as well be "Music every single day."

9/6/12 @ 11:57 A.M.

Amazing

Last night, I was at the Liberation Tour, featuring Melonie Fiona, D'Angelo and starring Mary J. The three artists each had something to bring, in regards to the journey they're currently embarking on.

For Melonie Fiona, she's putting her name out there more and more, with people truly being receptive and appreciative of her work. It's only a matter of time before she's headlining her own show or, at the worst, the name right under the headliner. She's that good.

With D'Angelo, it's a lil' different. Now I am a HUGE D'Angelo fan and will defend just about every single action of his. I saw him at Essence and made every excuse in the book as to why his performance left much to be desired. The crowd wasn't really into it and, at times, it looked like he wasn't either. However, that certainly wasn't the case last night in Houston.

He was way more comfortable, confident and happy on stage than he appeared to be in New Orleans, and the crowd seemed to be much more alive, in tune and thrilled to see him. It's as if he and the crowd fed off each other's energy and it made for a terrific show.

Let's be real here: he's been gone for a long, long time and even though there are people who will love him no matter what, there is going to be a healthy dose of skepticism until the man shows he's ready to stick around a while. It's almost like seeing your dad show up at Christmas after not seeing him for years; you're happy he's there, you want him to stay, but events have conditioned you not to get too excited. Nonetheless, the love is there.

Mary closed the festivities, and for someone who likes Mary J. and has for a long time, even I was amazed by the power she has over her fan base. People chanted her name before she hit the stage, they stood on their feet through multiple numbers in her catalog and, as was the case with D'Angelo, the energy from her and the crowd was magical.

The crowd sang entire verses of her songs. Literally. She would just hold the mic out there and she didn't have to sing. Even with that, she still poured her all on the stage. That kind of vibe cannot be replicated. It was beautiful.

An emerging artist. One who is seeking to reclaim the trust of fans who love him to death, but may have one foot in the door and out due to his sabbaticals, and another who has come full-circle to enjoy the fruits of her constant labor. All were on display last night and all constructed narratives that were their own.

In life, we have similar moments and go down similar roads that the three artists I mentioned are traveling. I'm glad I was able to witness it all in person, for it was much more than just music. It was a look into my life, all of our lives, where we've been, where we're at and where each of us can head, respectively in our own journeys, if we're willing to stay the course.

9/4/12 @ 7:51 P.M.

Click.

It seems like, during this recent getaway, "it" clicked. That "it" that people talk about when things just...make sense. When you realize that merely being here, being good enough and having enough....isn't enough.

It's okay to want more, and apologizing for wanting more is crazy.

I'm not apologizing for wanting more.

I want more.

And it's time to go get it.

9/2/12 @ 6:02 P.M.

30

Well, it's been about five days of being 30 so far. It's really more mental than anything else. I spent the first day at the damn job and was pretty disgusted with myself for doing so. In my younger years, I woulda taken the day off, simply off of general principle, and trust: I will next year. Still, I ate cookie cake and some BBQ, so it wasn't completely bad.

Day Two was way better, because I was able to hit the Maze concert in Dallas. No matter what's going on, nothing else matters when you go to a Maze show. All I did was sing and dance the night away, and it was even better with the show being outside. Summer night + Maze + great crowd = some of the best times I've ever had.


Something I want to do, more than ever now, is to make sure I don't over analyze shit when interacting with people while, at the same time, making sure I pay attention to cues that can easily be missed. It's a balancing act, but when you call yourself grown, you gotta act like it.

I'm not sure what the coming days hold, and I'm in no rush to find out. The one thing I've learned more than anything about turning 30 years old is to enjoy each and every day for what it is. As important as it is to plan for the future and look ahead, there is a redeeming quality and a beauty that comes with enjoying the moment and living for today.

8/7/12 @ 10:26 P.M.

Coming to grips with Father Time

19 days from now, I will look Father Time in the face and, for the first time ever, shudder in its face.

See, there were times when the second day of August in years past would approach, I would laugh in its face. Not only would I laugh, but I would go to certain places where I seek refuge to show Father Time that it had no place in my life.

I would go to a basketball court, grab a ball, do a drop-step and dunk with ease. On my way down after my ascent to the rim, a Kevin Garnett-type howl would emerge from my soul as if to tell the world, "ANOTHER AUGUST 2ND COMING AINT SHIT TO A REAL NIGGA LIKE ME!!!"

In other instances, it would take the form of doing something that would require me to use a level of mental capacity that would still not feel like it was doing much of anything. Pen to paper, fingertips to keys and words, sentences, paragraphs and stories would develop, all the while laughing at mortality and saying "This is nothing. I was born for this."

Maybe, the signs were evident, though; the signs that Father Time was on his way. I played softball during the spring with some of my co-workers from the job, and in a three-week span, I pulled my right and my left hamstring. Sure, I had never played softball in my life, but to an athlete, a sport is a sport, and outside of twisting an ankle here or there, getting injured wasn't in my repertoire.

In the most publicized case, for the past year, I've started to be in the bed by 8 every night, because I have to be at work in the morning, and not only do I have to be at work in the morning, I "have" to work out in the morning before work, which means I have to be up much earlier. Anyway, in past times, I could sleep for 3-4 hours a night and function all day long, no strides broken, full of enthusiasm, joy and happiness.

Now? Shit, let me get three hours of sleep and go to work the next day. I'll end up being the most miserable person to be around, because I'll be so damn tired from the night before, and sure, a lot of this can be attributed to me being a working square again (prior to the end of last August, I was unemployed for two years), but still.

Then, I started to forget little shit; well, that's always been a problem of mine. As is the case with human nature, I remembered what I chose to remember and forgot everything else. However, with Father Time knocking, maybe I'm starting to forget stuff that I really want to remember and just can't.

I can only attribute it to one thing: August 2, 2012. Father Time will finally have the upper hand on me, and since it looks like that is the case, then I need to be as prepared as possible, even if there's not much I can do to stop it.

7/14/12 @ 7:07 P.M.

Stop Being Greedy

This is not to be confused with this, which still jams.

The world is too damn small. Seriously.

Everybody seems to know everybody; at this point, it shouldn't be a surprise anymore when you see folks together who seemed to not know each other existed until it so happens that y'all all know each other.

Anyway, that brings me back to the title of this post. There are times when being greedy can be a good thing, despite said term being one of the seven deadly sins. It can be good when one is greedy for success, or greedy to improve at their craft.

However, this aint one of those times. When dealing with people and interacting with them, being greedy isn't the way to go; at least, not for me. I'm cool on that.

7/1/12 @ 5:42 P.M.

Let's Get It

Last night, I watched The Dream Team documentary, along with just about anyone else who had access to NBATV and is a lover of basketball. Something stuck out to me while watching: the ages of some of these guys.

Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley were 29 years old. 29! These guys were going around the world, doing what they loved, and representing their country. When they were doing it, I was only ten years old and happy to see my heroes playing.

Now that I am 29, it is humbling to see what can be done at that age with hard work, dedication, luck and more. When I say those things, especially the first two, it's more than anything that can be imagined. Oh, and you have to be incredibly talented, too.

Anyway, the documentary did something that I did not intend prior to watching. It's motivated me. It inspired me. I thought about it all night, right now, and will use this as fuel to accomplish any and every goal I have from now on.

There's no telling how much time God allows us to have on this Earth, and even though I've been satisfied with how my life has gone so far, last night showed me I have a long way to go...

6/14/12 @ 8:38 A.M.

Currently.

Sometimes, you just gotta say thank you.

Learning.

I'm pretty sure I've written a post about learning before, but it's that important to me. I'm extremely passionate about learning; it can be formal and informal. I'll learn from a person, experience, a book, a picture, whatever instrument is available and there's something to gain from it, I'm open to it.

When I come across people who are passionate about what they enjoy, it's another type of high; it takes away from the bluster of the everyday bullshit we go through and, for a moment (or two, or three, if you're fortunate), all that stuff ceases to exist.

When people talk about what they dig, their body language changes, the tone in their voice picks up, the conversations extend. There's a lot to be taken from that. When someone is passionate about something, they'll know if you're sincere in being appreciative in what they're sharing. It's not about listening so you can become passionate about it, too; it's moreso about connecting even more, learning about others, what makes them tick, another source that brings them intrigue, life, joy, peace, and all those other pleasant-sounding words.

Right now, I'm learning a lot. For that, I'm beyond thankful.

5/7/12 @ 9:11 P.M.

Two Words

It ended with a "good night"...two simple words to cap off an evening full of peace, fun, and a pleasant escape. To say you thought it would end this way would be optimistic, at best, especially since company with this person had never been shared before..but after those two words, you couldn't wait for the next day to come, so you could do it some more.

Laughs, stories, quick anecdotes and the required silence to process each other's thoughts were all in the midst; if any nerves were present in the beginning, they were gone right away. The hands on the clock flew by so fast, which is what tends to happen when good times are being had; motives went out the window, which left neither party suspicious or mad.

After a while, you feel like you've heard it all and, in a way, this particular story has the usual parts, but it still has its own identity, its own feel, its own ingredients that make it singular and stand alone...and even though the words were said to end the night earlier and plans were made to do it again, you still want to pick up the cell and dial their number on your phone.

For now, those two words will do, along with the acts that preceded them, all of which were first-rate...and to think, the fun has only begun, because we have yet to go on our first ever date.

4/29/12 @ 10:54 A.M.

Observation

1. an act or instance of noticing or perceiving. 
2. an act or instance of regarding attentively or watching.

 The ability to observe or, when it comes to people, people-watch, is something that can be very valuable, when done properly. Now, people-watching is not to be confused with stalking, being a bug-a-boo, being worsesome, or anything like that. There's nothing tasteful about stalking someone or being stalked. There's nothing pleasant about being a bug-a-boo and there (arguably) isn't more of an indicator of a lack of self-respect than being worsesome.

 When you have the ability to people-watch, you can see what someone likes, doesn't like, take your time, chill in the distance and then make your move. Sometimes, it works out, sometimes it doesn't, and it takes an amount of patience that you may not want to exhibit.

Hell, that's one of the basis of people-watching; you watch. You don't participate, you don't join the party. You just observe and when the opportunity presents itself...it's on.

 4/24/12 9:19 P.M.

5:17 A.M.

While I was driving to work this morning, a collage of pictures, words and thoughts seem to pour out of my head. Since I wasn't listening to the radio, I was reciting them all out, and it was in an effort to remember them, so I could jot them down and write a poem.

I haven't written poetry in months, and this one was about as vivid as one I've had in a while. It just sucks that I can barely recall any of it now.

At least there's a memory of who it was about, so it's sure to come back; hopefully, I'll be in position to write about it all this time.

4/4/12 @ 9:26 A.M.

Insanity, New Reading Material and the Barbershop

Three more days.

Three more days until I'm done with Insanity. As much as I love the workout, I'm ready for it to be over with. Getting in the gym as early as 5:30 in the morning, six days a week, has been a grind. You would think I've been doing this so I can get healthy, or because I have some big redemption story or something like that, right? No. I've done it, so my abs will come out. That's literally the only reason why.

After reading Dr. Steve Perry's book, Push Has Come To Shove, (a damn good one, by the way), I have nothing to read right now...which sucks, because an idle mind is a devil's playground, or whatever the saying is.

Anyway, I ordered a book written by Mark Titus and one by Josh Luchs, and when they arrive, they'll serve as a healthy distraction from the usual day-to-day mumbo-jumbo.

Oh...with the end of Insanity comes....a return to the barbershop! I vowed not to get a haircut or shave until I finished this crap, and come Friday, it'll be a wrap and I'll be in the chair, gettin' faded up. Don't get it twisted; I've still been walking with my head held high and with the utmost amount of dignity a man can possess, but there's nothing like a fresh cut to make a man feel like a real man.

Goals.

Relaxing.

I wish this was on the Greatest Hits album I bought a while back.

Oh well. This will have to do.

Random Thoughts During Sprang Break

When I tell you I've been CHILLING...that's what this Sprang Break has consisted of.

Waking up at noon, working out in the garage (being away from work = being away from the gym) and basically just going with the flow has been the M.O. so far.

Ms. R's so bad that I'm strongly considering letting the 'Sheed haircut/beard look go earlier than I planned. Granted, it's not going to change anything, but still. Besides, a wise person once said something along the lines that you gotta be ready for whatever.

Insanity is trying to kill me. Two days into Month Two is making the first month look like a walk in the park. It'll pay off, though. Nobody's gonna be able to tell me shit.

This is the first year I'm considering NOT making a bracket for March Madness.

Dr. Perry's book "Push Has Come To Shove" is sitting here waiting to be read. With all of this downtime, I think I'm gonna crack it open tonight.

I went to Rudy's last night and it was a riot as usual, simply just from going to pick up some chicken. I finally took V's advice and started a blog about it. Well, not exactly a blog, but it'll be in a series of notes I post on FB any time I head up there. If nothing else, they'll be entertaining.

That's all for now. I'm gonna spend the next two days in an undisclosed location, just for the hell of it. That'll be fun and just another way to continue to enjoy this break.

3/14/12 @ midnight.

Sprang Break

Being in Texas all my life is the cause of me saying "sprang" as opposed to "spring." Therefore, the time I'm currently experiencing is Sprang Break.

I just spent the last hour and change at a spot in downtown Dallas, listening to ?uestlove tear the house down at an event put together by one of the great masterminds and people in this area. Getting there was a struggle, simply because I just got back to Denton from East Texas damn near at 11 P.M. and decided to take a shower and then drive downtown to go to the event. Shoot, that event was already paid for earlier in the week, and even if all I was gonna do was show up and do nothing but groove for a minute and chill, I was gonna show up and do nothing but groove for a minute and chill.

Fun times were had, and I'm glad I got on out. It also gave me a chance to formally meet someone who I've been interacting with quite a bit, but never "met-met," if that makes sense. Of course, I got teased for having all this hair on my face, but all that means is I'm a whole lotta man.

As for the rest of the week, the only fixture is doing Insanity whenever I wake up. During the work week, I do it at 6 A.M. every morning, but it's safe to say that won't be the time this week. Besides that, I'm going with the flow. No plans; instead, the goal is to enjoy this break and be as carefree as possible.

3/12/12 @ 3:46 A.M.

EWF Recap

The Earth, Wind and Fire concert was last night, and fun times were definitely had. There was an old man who came in with his breathing machine and had trouble getting assisted to his seat (basically, the usher didn't do his damn job), so I, along with other paying customers, helped the old man out, so he could get to his seat and be as comfortable as possible. He was a big brother, too, so that, along with his breathing machine, presented quite the challenge. However, he wasn't about to miss some Earth, Wind and Fire and came in suited and booted, breathing machine and all.

Also, the concert was at the orchestra downtown, which was an element I took for granted. EWF played with an entire orchestra of musicians from home. It was pretty cool to witness. The only two things that could have made it better were the venue and the demographic. In regards to the venue, since it was at the orchestra, it wasn't exactly conducive to getting up and dancing and groovin' all night.

On top of that, I was sitting in a tier where the railing was so low and the seats were so close to the rail, that the only way I was gonna be able to groove was by moving a row up and being in the aisle (which is what I ended up doing).

As for the demographic, there were all sorts of people in there, but something tells me EWF didn't get as funky as I expected, due to playing to a particular crowd. It was still dope as hell, but you'd have to see it to truly understand it.

I remember reading Teddy Pendergrass' autobiography, and he wrote how when he was a part of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes how the demographic of the crowd would determine their performance; it didn't determine the effort, because that was always there, but it did determine how their energy would be distributed.

I'm tired as hell now; drove from East Texas yesterday after work to Dallas to attend the concert, slept for about four hours, and then got back on the road to be in the gym before 6:30 this morning, and I'm at the job now. It was well worth it, though.

All in all, fun times were had, and I can finally say I've seen EWF live. I can only imagine what they were like in their prime, because even past their prime today, they put on an incredible show.

3/7/12 @ 9:22 A.M.

Sunday Night Jammin'.

EWF Update

Well, that was easy.

I'll be one-deep at the EWF concert next week in D-town. Besides, there will be plenty of energy in the atmosphere and in those elements, it'll be a piece of cake to make a friend.

Oh, instead of Wednesday, it's Tuesday.

EWF.

Earth, Wind and Fire concert next Wednesday night in Dallas.

Living in the country = having to return to D-town after work and then having to be back in the country by 6 to be in the gym to start my day off right.

I have some plotting to do, but according to my old-school mentor, EWF is a must-see show, especially since I've never seen them live.

Is it date material? Sure. Do I wanna go on a date to this, though? Iono. That's the kicker.

We shall see.

2/28/12 @ 9:30 P.M.

Six Months.

It's been six months since I came to the country (East Texas) and started something new. In that time, it's really allowed life to slow down quite a bit. Sure, it's not too far away from home, not too far away from familiarity, but as long as familiarity is a phone call away, which it is, I'm cool with being at a distance.

In the time that's been spent in this place, I haven't made one single friend. Sure, there are people I work with, but that's not the same thing, and as far as I'm concerned, it's perfect with me. Whenever I head back to familiarity, more often than not, it's a reminder of why I was ready to go in the first place, and if the trade-off is not having friends out here, then it's a trade-off I'll gladly take.

So many things have changed since then. I'm in the bed around 8 every night; not quite asleep, but just the fact that I'm in the bed that early is a far cry from the previous life when staying up 'til 3, 4, 5 in the morning was the norm.

I don't live in the town where I work, which is a challenge in itself, and hotel rooms are a "home away from home" now, since there are times I'd rather just stay where I'm at as opposed to getting on the road again. Speaking of which, I think I left my Johnnie Cochran autobiography in the room I stayed in a couple of nights ago, which really pisses me off. Anyway, all of this is a challenge, that's for damn sure, but challenges are what part of living life is all about.

The only writing I feel like doing these days is in a journal, or on here. These days, life is very routine, with some things that happen out of the norm that make it interesting, which is fine by me.

Six months....slow as can be in a place that isn't too far from where I've been, but still feels like a world away. It's just what was needed and even more proof that God is in control of all.

Time.

Photo courtesy of Ashley Lynn.

Gone.

The more I hear her songs, the sadder I get. More than that, though, one word sums her up...

...love.

Just.....LIVE.

Photo by yellanerd

The Single Life

I've been a single man for *goes back in time* close to nine years now. Pretty much, when Jordan came in the League in '84 and retired (the first time) in '93, I've been single that long. When Bad Boys came out in '94 and Bad Boys II came out in '03 (I think it was nine years between the two but, if not, whatever; you get the idea), I've been single that long. When a kid was in the third grade and that same kid graduated from high school nine years later, I've been single that long.

In those three examples, it was the same man, same movie and the same kid, but things took place in those years to make them what they became. Same with me; I was single at 21, but I'd be lying if I said that, just because I'm single now, I'm the same man at 29 (saying the next number that I'll be later this year is a no-no for now) that I was then.

A theory about The Single Life is that when you're single, you can pretty much do whatever you want, with whoever you want, damn near however you want, because you're single. That's the theory; a theory can be written on a sheet of paper, in a book, magazine, journal, online or whatever.

However, life doesn't work that way. Just because you're a single person, it doesn't mean you can truly do whatever, because another person, or people if you're dating freely, are in the equation. Sure, single people can act like it's all good, but feelings are bound to come, and saying "Well, I'm single" or "Well, I said this is how it's going to be" isn't good enough. It discounts human emotion, feeling, the ability people have to change their minds, outlook, what they want, what they deserve.

So while there are some things that are great about being single, it's not necessarily the greatest thing in the world, and this is coming from someone who used to look at relationships like the plague and stayed single, guarded their heart and wouldn't open up for a long time. I look at them totally different now and have for quite a while now. So while it's currently The Single Life, to look at this as it was nine years ago would not be wise. It negates plenty of life experiences that have transpired since then.

Forever is a long time, and that, as uncertain as it is, isn't necessarily a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it will be great....when the time is right.

1/6/12 @ 9:34 P.M.

Photo by Mike Hudson

12:32

2011 ended on a decent enough note. In regards to some folks who are in my life, as well as the space they occupy, there was plenty of clarity provided which will make today, as well as the other 365 following, a smooth one.

Don't get it twisted; there have been times where things have been charged to the game in the past, but this time it seemed like God pretty much said, "Look, man; decide what to do and do it now." Well, that's exactly what's happened and because of that, I can go into the new year and leave certain events and certain people in the rear view.

I can also say there are people who were around who will be around in the future and, for that, I thank God for providing clarity for that as well, as opposed to not knowing. That's never been the case before. Stuff would tend to carry over, but this time, it won't happen...and that feels good.

As for the first 30 minutes and change into the new year, it's being spent in solitude, with The Godfather Part II on the Hoshitoshi, SOS Band playing on the computer and with Teddy P's autobiography just underway; literally, I'm on page five.

1/1/12 @ 12:36 A.M.